4,000 mourners leave love notes at Clovis ‘Blue Christmas’ house

My brother-in- law became ill in the fall of 2014, and he died four months later, three days after Christmas.

I spent weekends that November and December driving to and from Stockton, and with every return to my neighborhood, I struggled to reconcile my sadness with my surroundings. The blinking lights, warm-woolen-mittened walkers, and most-wonderful- time-of- the-year music of Cindy Lane provided little space for grief.

Since we usually decorated our yard with only blue lights and a life-sized Elvis cut-out, we kept the blue Christmas theme and announced that Elvis had left the building.

In his place, we added a cart with notecards, pencils, a box with a slot for the cards, and a sign that read: “Please take a moment to tell us what is remarkable about someone you are missing this holiday. We will honor this person on Christmas.”

What began that year became our tradition. So every Dec.25, we all gather around the dining room table, light candles, and read cards, sharing aloud the names and stories of those who are missed. We send good thoughts and love to their families and friends and remember our own remarkable loved ones.

Here are some of the messages from the 1,552 cards this year:

▪ “I would like to honor my grandma, who passed away of cancer. She came to every one of my football games, no matter the weather or how sick she was. She was always there cheering me on.”

▪ “Missing my father who was killed six years ago by a drunk driver. It changed my family forever. But we have so much to be grateful for this holiday season. I know he is with us from the love he’s given to my mom and to my niece and nephew who share such similar characteristics. He’s always in our hearts and continues to give me hope.”

▪ “Honoring Bo Taylor, who was shot and killed in Las Vegas after saving five teenagers’ lives. Forever a hero.”

▪ “Mr. Carpenter was an awesome seventh-grade science teacher who was loved very much.”

▪ “I miss my dad, who lives out of state. He has cancer, and this may be his last Christmas. I wish I could be near him. He taught me discipline, self-reliance, sacrifice, and selfless love. He made me the man I am today.”

▪ “I am missing my mother because I have not seen her since I was 6 years old. I think her health is ailing. I am in a group home and cannot contact her. I am 17 now, and I miss her very much and hope she has a Merry Christmas.”

▪ “My mother has Alzheimer’s. This week we moved her into a memory care facility. Our Christmas celebration will be a little blue this year without her, though we have been slowly losing who she was for years.”

▪ “We are missing our son, who passed away March 2016 at the young age of 15. He loved Christmas and always put others before himself, especially the homeless.”

▪ “Our son, #7, had the best smile. He loved everyone and was always wanting to play basketball. Miss u son.”

▪ “Missing my daughter, who passed from a brain tumor at the age of 9. She taught me what it means to be courageous and brave in the darkest of times.”

▪ “My husband is serving overseas. Holidays hurt without him.”

▪ “I miss my hamster Pipsqueak, who died while I was at volleyball practice.”

▪ “Our baby knew what true love is, even if just for a few hours.”

Since 2014, we have received more than 4,000 cards. The simple act of writing a name and a story acknowledges the bittersweet within the season and somehow makes the decorations and lights more meaningful. It also reminds us to cherish those who are with us and honor those we miss by living remarkable lives.

This story was originally published January 5, 2018 at 2:42 PM with the headline "4,000 mourners leave love notes at Clovis ‘Blue Christmas’ house."