Kids ‘don’t really understand military service.’ How this local family honors tradition

Patrice Coulter is big on tradition.

That’s why this Memorial Day, she and her family will again wake at dawn and head to Fresno Memorial Gardens for the 56th annual Memorial Day service.

Coulter, her three adult children, and six (soon to be seven) grandchildren will join an army of more than 100 volunteers. They arrive hours before the service begins to raise the 1,400 full-size flags that line the walkways of the gardens.

Each flag was once draped across a service member’s coffin and is inscribed with the veteran’s name.

Coulter and her family not only raise the flags every Memorial Day, but they make sure to say the veteran’s name out loud as they line the Avenue of Flags.

It’s a tradition that arose after several deaths in her family.

Coulter and her family have been attending the Memorial Day event for many years, but began volunteering to raise the flags about five years ago after her father passed away.

Her dad, Manuel Staffero, was in the Army and the Navy and served in World War II and the Korean War.

Coulter, who lives in Clovis, is no stranger to Fresno Memorial Gardens – she’s there every week paying respects to family. In addition to her father, Coulter’s husband, father-in-law and uncles, who all served in the military, are laid to rest there.

“It sounds maybe odd or weird, but this has kind of been part of our home for all those years,” she said. “It’s a little peaceful place.”

Husband’s legacy

Coulter’s husband, Brian Coulter, was a sergeant in the Air Force and coached girls soccer from high school to Olympic development level. He was diagnosed with ALS, a neurodegenerative disease that affects the brain and spinal cord, in September 2016.

“We found out then that anyone who served in the military that is diagnosed with ALS, that it’s considered a service-related illness,” she said.

Her husband’s diagnosis was a shock, and the pair spent some of their last year together at Fresno Memorial Gardens, planning his funeral and visiting the graves of family members.

Before his death in November 2017 at age 61, Brian wanted to pass down a tradition that would outlive him.

“What my husband taught my grandkids is, not only do you put up the flag, but you make sure you read their name because you’re trying to honor that person, not just put up a flag.”

Coulter believes it’s something special that Brian left behind for his kids and grandkids.

“Last year is the first year we came out without him,” she said. “The grandkids, they love it, and they’re honoring their grandfather now, not just their great-grandfathers. It’s been a real special thing for them.”

Coulter said her husband also wanted to instill a sense of pride and understanding of what it means to serve.

“The younger kids now, they don’t really understand military service as it was in the day ... or even what it means to serve or sacrifice,” she said. “So he really wanted to teach our own kids, our kids and our grandkids, what it means.”

Tradition, honor

Coulter hopes volunteering is a tradition that will live on even after she takes her place beside her husband one day.

So far, her grandkids have been excited to keep the ritual going.

“My youngest one right now is 8 and he talks about it,” she said. “That’s how I was raised, with family traditions. So that’s what we try and carry on. Hopefully when I’m gone, they will (too).”

She believes saying each name will keep the memory of each veteran alive, and she doesn’t want her kids to forget about the meaning behind Memorial Day.

“We’re all about the barbecue, too,” she said, “but first and foremost it is making sure that we do honor our veterans. It’s an important part of our lives. It always has been.”

The 56th annual Memorial Day service at Fresno Memorial Gardens begins at 11 a.m. Monday and will last about an hour. The cemetery is at 175 S. Cornelia Ave., on the corner of Highway 180 and Cornelia.

If you don’t make it to raise the flags, volunteers are also needed to retire the flags at 5 p.m. Monday, and again at 9 a.m. on Wednesday to help fold and store the flags. Those interested in volunteering can call Dignity Memorial at 559-268-7823 or contact Laura Steiner at laura.steiner@dignitymemorial.com.

This story was originally published May 24, 2019 at 5:36 PM.