Can artificial intelligence be your friend? Human touch is still necessary | Opinion

What are friendship and love for? This question arises as artificial intelligence can mimic friendship and provide simulated companionship. On a website called Replika, for example, you can create an AI friend. The AI learns about you and responds with the appearance of curiosity and empathy.

Replika advertises itself as a solution for isolation and anxiety. The website features testimonials from customers who say that their Replika friends made them happy, cheered them through depression, and cured their loneliness. Some even say that their chatbot friend helped them become better persons.

And isn’t that what we want out of friendship? People often say that a friend is someone who is “there for you,” who provides you with comfort and joy, and who lifts you up and makes you better. If a robot can do that, where’s the harm in having a fake friend?

I tried Replika out. In a couple of minutes, I was talking with it about bands and music. It did a great job of keeping up a conversation and showing interest in me. But I found it difficult to suspend disbelief. I entered the conversation with a skeptical mindset. I was thinking about the authenticity of the interaction, and the algorithm behind it. But I can see that if you are willing to set aside skeptical questions, it might be fun.

It still seems odd that anyone would pay a monthly fee for a fake robot friend. But one wonders what makes friendship authentic and what makes it phony. Are we so sure that our actual human friends are not really faking it for profit?

Business and professional relationships contain a kind of pleasant transactional phoniness. The person serving my coffee smiles and jokes with me. That congenial small talk is a performance that revolves around the exchange of money. It is transactional. And maybe it’s not that different from the kind of companionship sold on Replika.

Even with intimate partners and family relations, there are questions of authenticity and depth. Are we ever entirely authentic with our siblings, in-laws, and cousins? Or do we follow convenient scripts and engage in superficial conversation? Spouses sometimes fake it with each other, as do parents and children.

The conventional interactions of social life can be mimicked by AI. But we seem to want something more out of friendship and love. Of course, it’s difficult to explain what this “something more” exactly is.

Maybe it is about bodily interaction. Hugs and handshakes, tears and laughter are important. But we have friends who are effectively disembodied. What’s the difference between a robot friend and a distant human friend we only talk to on the phone?

And an AI friend can be programmed to be more “empathetic” than any real friend. It can be infinitely “generous” with its time — so long as you pay the bill. The AI will not be distracted with its own needs.

That may sound great. But friendship is not only about what your friend gives you. Friendship is also about what your friend asks of you. Real human friends demand our attention and care. When you share their joys and their grief, then it is not about you. It’s about them.

And here is what AI cannot do. The robot cannot ask you to share its suffering or its joy — since it does not experience either. It cannot ask you to give your love to it, since it has no need of love. But real human friends need our love. And you become more fully human when you give love to others.

That’s why the pursuit of AI friendships seems more like paying for a prostitute than like genuine friendship. The “relationship” is transactional and one-sided. Genuine human friendship is not only about someone being there for you. It is also about you being there for your friend. Friendship is not something that is purchased for selfish need. Rather, friendship is a kind of giving that leads you beyond yourself.

You become less lonely when you stop focusing on your own needs and turn your attention to the needs of others. You discover your true humanity when you give yourself to another fragile human being who needs your empathy, care, and friendship.