In the San Joaquin Valley’s youth sports culture, coaches must keep egos on the bench | Opinion

It was the third competitive softball tournament my 11-year-old daughter had ever played in. A soft bloop was hit just over the pitcher’s head, landing about six feet in front of my daughter,who was playing second base. After the inning, her coach pulled her aside and told her firmly that she should have made a diving catch. Because she didn’t, he said, they had to pull the starting pitcher out of the game. He told my daughter it was her fault her teammate got benched.

This is a glaring example of what an ego-centered culture on a youth sports team looks like. The subtleties of a coach taking opportunities to intimidate and belittle rather than constructively develop a child’s athletic skills.

According to the achievement goal theory by John G. Nicholls of Purdue University, motivational climates can be task-centered or ego-centered in youth sports.

Nicholls says the positive atmosphere children experience when they are enjoying the sport they play is called a “task-oriented culture,” in which everyone plays an important role on the team. This type of atmosphere is critical in encouraging a child’s internal enjoyment and motivation to work hard and want to continue to play the sport.

An “ego-centered culture,” in contrast, or win-at-all-costs approach, is one in which children on the team perceive that only the players with superior performance are valued, and negative attention is given to anyone who makes mistakes. This approach trickles down from the coaches to the parents to the kids, successfully eroding the positive culture of a team.

It’s the kind of culture in which a child’s spirit can be crushed for not performing well, or, in this case, for not making what would have been a spectacular diving play.

This teaches children that only perfection is recognized or praised. Rather than viewing these moments as a time to provide constructive support or criticism — as an opportunity to grow and learn — it now becomes more about winning and the coach’s ego than the development of the child’s athletic skills.

When a young athlete’s psychological needs are being met, the child has reduced anxiety, they are free to truly enjoy the sport, and they gain all the positives typically associated with athletics. Every child needs unconditional love to truly thrive in life, as well as in athletics. They need to know and feel that love and acceptance from their parents and their coaches is not somehow contingent on a superior performance on the field.

As spring sports are now underway, you may be a parent like me trying to navigate this competitive sports world in the San Joaquin Valley for your child. Just remember to ask yourself this: Is the coach and/or team my child plays for exemplifying a task-oriented culture, or an ego-centered culture? Look for the characteristics that tell you your child is in a supportive, constructive environment so your child can truly thrive mentally and physically.