Fresno woman wants to keep her older parents safe from COVID-19. Here is how she does it
As a business adviser, I’m accustomed to analyzing problems, recommending solutions, and moving onto the next puzzle. But as a wife, mother, and daughter in the age of COVID, my methodical approach to problem-solving initially went out the window. Like so many adult children, I was overcome with worry for the safety of my parents, those most at risk from this unruly infectious disease.
As the weeks passed, I racked my brain about how to keep my parents safe. My concerns intensified as I watched my contemporaries on the news — dropping off parents at their local hospitals, entrusting them to the care of heroic strangers, and waving goodbye for the very last time.
Eventually the panic subsided, and I re-inhabited the part of my brain that works systematically. With my “good wheels” turning once again, I develop the acronym SAFE, which has become my compass in the storm, each letter standing for advice to guide my path:
▪ S stands for staying at home. With a resurgence of cases nationwide and a local curve that’s anything but flat, I continue to encourage my parents to lay low, even though their favorite stores are back open. To make it fun, we’ve played board games and even hosted a tea party for my mom. And to spice things up in the kitchen, I’ve been making some of my dad’s favorite Armenian dishes using pantry staples like lentils and cracked wheat that provide comfort and evoke memories of a simpler time.
I understand that I cannot force my parents to say home because they have the right to make their own choices and act at their own discretion. I’m also seasoned enough to understand that imposing one’s will on others can lead to backlash. Instead, my husband and I have tried to make it a joy, and not a penance, to gather within our family circle.
▪ A stands for air kisses (in lieu of real ones), and this is perhaps the hardest adjustment for my dad. He is culturally hard-wired to plant kisses on his children and grandchildren, and that wiring is hard to undo. At first, he seemed offended when my daughter and I rebuffed his loving embrace, and I began to wonder how many people acquiesce to physical contact when they would rather keep their distance.
It’s no secret that boundaries are hard to maintain, especially with family, and I will admit that air kissing is still a work in progress for us! I try to keep in mind that dropping my dad off at a hospital and being unable to see him during a potentially grave illness is worth a bruised ego now and then.
▪ F stands for face coverings, and it does not surprise me that masks have become such a controversial issue. Social scientists have given us irrefutable evidence that what is optimal for people is not necessarily what they choose for themselves.
In our case, we follow our doctor’s recommendations to cover our faces with masks, preferably those with filters, and we are considering buying face shields that clip onto our glasses. We do this as readily as we don seatbelts in the car. This disease passes through droplets in the air, so why not provide a simple barrier?
▪ E stands for example, and it’s the letter that reminds me to set a good one for my folks. Staying home for months on end is easier said than done, and I cannot expect them to honor recommendations that I myself am not willing to follow. Sure, I want to socialize with friends, get my hair done, and saddle up to a bar, but I know that would send the wrong message to my folks. What’s more, my behavior could endanger them. So my husband and I continue to hunker down with our daughter instead, sending a signal with our actions that is much louder than words.
With my parents’ safety as our north star, we continue to lay low despite the reopening around us. Concerned with the spike in new COVID cases nationwide and in our community, we content ourselves with air kisses, cover our faces when we go out, and live by example. Last but not least, we are generous with our prayers because goodwill is the one thing we can afford to spread.