Once a social media hit as homeless dancer on Fresno streets, he’s making big changes now

For 10 years, Chris Koch wandered the streets of Fresno and believed constantly being drunk and homeless felt better than dealing with reality.

Alcoholism had destroyed Koch’s marriage, ruined his relationships with much of his family and kept him from thinking clearly.

On the streets, Koch, 54, said he was assaulted by gang members for no reason and spit on by strangers for sleeping on the sidewalk.

When food was hard to find, Koch would search at nearby restaurants or stores for half-eaten meals that “still seemed clean” and convince himself “it’s just leftovers” — not trash.

This was life for Koch as a homeless person in Fresno.

“Just got to a point where you don’t care anymore and you’re so depressed that you want to use any coping skill for that pain to go away,” Koch said. “Then it all just perpetuates and you end up alone on the streets — for days, for months, for years. All of a sudden, it’s 10 years.

“Being homeless, it’s a living hell.”

With homelessness on the rise, including in Fresno where there are an estimated 1,800 people living on the streets based on a 2023 count conducted by the Fresno-Madera Continuum of Care, Koch can attest to how “someone with a job and normal life” can suddenly find themselves on the streets.

But more than the details of how he survived for so long, Koch can talk about his own experience of what it took to climb out of homelessness.

Koch said he’s been sober for 11 months and counting, and no longer lives on the streets.

“Just got sick and tired of it all,” Koch said. “Tired of being dirty, taking risks when I ate. Just wanted something better.

“That’s one of the things about helping the homeless. You can help others. But they’ve got to want it for themselves. And they’ve got to want it more than any of those distractions or things that are bad for them that’s on the streets.”

Life before homelessness

Koch is willing to open up in detail about much of his life — except when it comes to his family.

He does mention that he once was married and they had a child. But the couple divorced sometime just before or soon after Koch became homeless. He eventually lost contact with both his ex-wife and child.

Koch’s father and mother also died while he lived on the streets.

“I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone,” Koch said. “And then I lost everyone.”

Koch cites his drinking problems and divorce as reasons for him becoming homeless as he dealt with depression.

Before that, Koch said he worked for Hewlett Packard as a network administrator and “made good money.”

As a student at Fresno State in the 1990s, Koch said he was named “most likely to succeed” by deans.

“Didn’t expect to be homeless at all,” Koch said. “At first, you’re sleeping on someone’s couch. Then eventually, you overstay your welcome and don’t have a place to stay.

“You’ve got no family. Or maybe you do but they don’t want anything to do with you because you have a drug or drinking problem. So you’ve got no support. You’re suddenly on the streets. It’s all bad from there.”

Koch, who graduated from Fresno High in the late 1980s, decided he wanted to remain close to where he grew up. So he decided to be homeless near the Tower District.

He met others who were living on the streets and said he felt a connection — bonded by their similar struggles and comforted by simply having some type of companionship.

But Koch also learned true friendships are tough to maintain when people are just trying to survive.

“Really, you can’t trust anybody,” Koch said. “I’ve had my sleeping bag stolen by friends. Have had a lot of fentanyl smokers try to get you to smoke so you get hooked like them.

“Some of the people you hang out with will say ‘Give this a try.’ And you think it’s one thing. But it’s really a more addictive drug. They do that so maybe they can score from you or you can score together.

“They don’t want to be alone.”

Koch said Fresno’s scorching summers are rough on the homeless.

But he said it’s the wet weather and cold that’s most brutal.

“If you don’t have any warm clothes or your bag is wet, you’re screwed,” Koch said. “You stay up all night because it’s so cold. You can’t sleep anywhere because you’ve got security (guards) coming for you.

“So you’re just waiting till the sun comes up. You try to get some sleep during the day because you can’t sleep at night. Your sleep is all messed up, though. That’s why you see some homeless people mad and angry.

“They’re not getting good sleep and it’s affecting them mentally,” Koch added. “That’s if they don’t already have mental issues.”

TikTok fame, advice

The City of Fresno works with service agencies dedicated to providing shelter, housing and case management services. The City of Fresno itself does not provide direct services.

Among the homeless services are: Fresno Madera County Continuum of Care, Fresno Housing Authority, The Poverello House, and the Fresno Rescue Mission.

In addition, various churches offer programs dedicated to helping the homeless in some fashion.

To Koch, though, the services were often viewed as a hassle because of their location in relations to where he’d usually hang out, as well as dangerous due to the surrounding areas by these agencies.

Koch also said transportation to and from places like the Poverello House are difficult, and there’s no guarantee shelter is provided for the night.

“It’s really not much relief,” Koch said. “You’ve got to be there by 7 (p.m.) and sit. Then if you get picked, they want you out by 5 in the morning.

“You can get a meal. But there are no buses that run there. Sometimes, it’s not worth the trouble to go all the way down there.”

Instead, Koch said he found support through social media.

He was featured multiple times on a popular TikTok account that was run by a former Tower Gas manager who showcased the talents of homeless people — whether it was of them singing or dancing or just smiling.

Koch, in particular, caught many viewers’ attention with his dance moves that date back to his breakstyle days from the 1980s.

The TikTok account became so popular, viewers from all parts of the United States started sending money and gifts to ex-Tower Gas manager AK Mohsin so he could give the gifts to the homeless.

Mohsin also would share all of the viewers’ inspiring words of encouragement.

Koch would read some of the comments posted on social media.

“It was really nice,” Koch said. “I had some people come from out of state and found me on the street to meet me. I felt like a hero. Kind of made me want to clean my act up.”

Still, Koch was homeless another three years before he quit drinking.

“Half the people who were living on the streets that I knew died in one year,” Koch said. “It was just feeling like death was pending.

“I needed to change.”

Koch said he got lucky when he found a hotel that was available to him to stay for 90 days. Koch said he did have a roommate who was using drugs but was relieved that the roommate wasn’t getting high in their room.

Then Koch transitioned to a sober living home.

“Just staying in a positive environment,” Koch said. “Go the movies. Go for a walk at Woodward Park. Wouldn’t hang out in bad environments.”

Koch said he understands how easily he could return to homelessness.

He tries to avoid returning to his “old stomping grounds” or hanging out with those he used to associate with.

Not that he thinks he’s too good for them. But Koch just wants to make sure he doesn’t slip and repeat old habits.

And for Koch, that starts by avoiding all drugs and alcohol.

“It took me like 30 days for my brain to clear up and for me to see what I was doing and what I was really avoiding,” Koch said. “I was determined to stick it out as long as I could. My sobriety is everything.”

Koch said he goes to meetings daily to help maintain his sobriety.

“A lot of times, people become homeless because of circumstances,” Koch said. “I went through a separation, got separated from my child, completely lost it. Then started to hang around the wrong group of people, started coping by using drugs and alcohol.

“Sometimes in hard times, you just want to feel better,” Koch added. “You don’t know what to do, but you just want your pain to go away. I know I messed up. I’ve tried to forgive myself.”

Koch said he is going to vocational school and trying to get a trucker’s license. He’s also considered going to Fresno City to get into counseling.

“Maybe give back to the community and help others,” he said.

Koch’s primary advice for those homeless is to stay away from the drugs and alcohol, and find that desire to want to get out of the situation.

For those who aren’t living on the streets, Koch said people should not judge the homeless but try to be compassionate toward them.

“Nobody chooses to live a rough life,” Koch said. “You have to be in that situation to really understand. If you get rid of your phone, get rid of your car, get rid of your wallet and just go and try to live homeless for a couple of days, you’ll totally understand. Then you can pass judgment.

“We all live in this community and some people are doing well and got lucky. Some people slip through the cracks. And it seems like those who are less fortunate get blamed for a lot of the problems of society.

“They’re not trying to cause problems,” Koch said. “They’re just trying to get by.”

This story was originally published December 15, 2024 at 5:30 AM.