The store that launched a Fresno icon is closing. Here’s how to say bye to ‘Crazy Bernie’
Crazy Bernie is closing his store and retiring.
If you’ve lived in Fresno for any amount of time, you’ve likely seen the oddball commercials advertising Crazy Bernie Furniture, with “the king of furniture” Bernie Siomiak, complete with crown and cape. Or maybe you’ve driven by the building with his giant face painted it on West Shaw Avenue.
His commercials caught people’s attention for their sheer wackiness. He’s thrown slices of bologna at the camera (because he was selling furniture cheaper than the lunch meat) and has been punched, slapped and otherwise hammed it up on camera.
The store at 4224 W. Shaw Ave. is closing after 18 years. No final date has been set yet, but it will probably be in a few months. Siomiak said he’s got “like half a of a Costco full of furniture” and about 43,000 square feet full of furniture to sell.
When asked how he came up with the character, Siomiak said “Desperation.”
He opened a furniture store and nobody came. He had to do something, he said.
Siomiak has sold the building his store is in and plans to retire – again. He first had a career in furniture manufacturing for 18 years. Then he retired and he and wife Tammy traveled the world for five years.
“We had so much fun it should have been illegal,” he said.
Now, after 18 years selling furniture, they’re going to do it again.
Over the years, Siomiak has owned two furniture stores in Fresno. The one on West Shaw and, for a time, another near Blackstone and Herndon avenues.
In 2012, he appeared in The Fresno Bee’s features section’s version of March Madness called ValleyWho, an NCAA-bracket-style event pitting 64 well-known names from pop culture against each other in an elimination tournament. He went head to head in the first round with one of the most famous women to come out of Fresno — actress, singer and Tony Award winner Audra McDonald.
She crushed him.
Still, he’s something of a local celebrity, appearing on countless TV news and radio spots promoting his business.
The couple is raising their granddaughter, 15-year-old Sienna. She’s the little girl who appeared in several of his commercials. That includes the one where she’s left holding his crown with a shocked faced after he gets punched in the face.
He offers to let customers punch him in the face if they find the furniture anywhere for less — and if he doesn’t give them double the difference.
Siomiak turns 60 next month.
And though he’s got plans to travel, Crazy Bernie isn’t leaving Fresno. Home is still here.
He goes to a ton of concerts and will see people there.
“I’ll see them in the beer line,” he said. “I’ll see them in the cocktail lines.”
He just won’t see them at the store anymore.
“This is going to be crazy closed,” he said.
This story was originally published February 10, 2020 at 3:46 PM.
