Fresno State invited all its former football players back to Saturday’s homecoming with Utah State. Too bad their eligibility is expired; the Bulldogs need all the help they can get.
On that note, let’s take the old column for a spin before we all conclude literacy is overrated.
▪ Fresno State football coach Tim DeRuyter makes the most scratch of all headsets in the Mountain West Conference, taking a $1.5 million cashier’s check to the bank each year, according to an Internet report (so it must be true).
That’s a lot of guaranteed Monopoly money for a program stuck on Baltic Avenue, which is to say athletic director Jim Bartko can’t afford to fire him any more than he can afford to keep him.
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▪ Best decision Fresno State President Joseph Castro has made: bringing back wrestling in 2016 – because I’m a wrestling fan, that’s why.
Worst decision: giving DeRuyter that monster extension before anyone knew if he could win without Derek Carr. Because, he hasn’t, no matter how many quarterbacks he’s benched.
▪ Fresno State basketball coach Rodney Terry spoke at a prayer breakfast Saturday morning, and from what we’re hearing, it wasn’t because his team needs any heavenly intervention.
This will be the best Bulldogs team since Steve Cleveland was at his most decent. DeRuyter certainly hopes so, because the more fans pay attention to the basketball team, the less they’ll notice the mushroom cloud on his side of Cedar.
▪ We’ll say it again: All Dodgers burden-bearer Clayton Kershaw does is not win postseason games.
▪ We can imagine Giants wood-chopper Madison Bumgarner agreeing to be pulled from a bases-loaded playoff exercise. In unrelated news, we can also imagine poor soul Bruce Bochy going through the concussion protocol before he reached the mound.
▪ The worse Fresno State looks on the football field, the better former coach Pat Hill looks to everyone who torched-and-pitchforked him out of the village. Even when his Bulldogs were bad, they were never this bad.
Eighty-six yards of offense last week? You can gain that much falling forward 43 times.
▪ Because 49ers demolitionist Jed York knows what’s best for his parent’s estate of unspeakable privilege, we bring you this:
Jim Harbaugh just led No. 18 Michigan to a 38-0 shutout of No. 13 Northwestern. The same Wolverines who were 5-7 last season are now 5-1 under Harbs. With three straight shutouts. With the lone loss being by a touchdown at No. 5 Utah.
Yeah, good thing the 49ers fired Harbaugh. How could they possibly be 1-3 without him?
▪ You’re building an NFL team in the Bay Area. Which quarterback do you pick: Colin Kaepernick or Derek Carr?
That’s what we thought. Good thing The Al didn’t have his way in the 2011 draft, or Kaepernick would be bouncing grounders off the infield dirt at the Coliseum as we type.
▪ The Raiders aren’t as good as their win against Baltimore, and they’re not as bad as their loss to Cincinnati. We’ll see which side of the middle they really live on Sunday against Denver.
▪ Buried my Dad last week. He was an old-school New Yorker, so childhood memories weren’t always rainbows and gumdrops, but he always did find a way to get me to the yard – whether to Euless Park to meet a Lil’ Giants catcher named Chili Davis, or to Candlestick to catch hypothermia with the swirling hot dog wrappers.
And that lesson, for those still sticking around to read, is you never tell the kids you’re too busy to play catch. When we go, our children will never wish we spent more time on the laptop.