David White

Raiders fans, it’s time to make your team walk the plank. Here’s a new favorite

Monette Bonilla of San Jose lets the Raiders know her feelings about the move to Las Vegas.
Monette Bonilla of San Jose lets the Raiders know her feelings about the move to Las Vegas. Associated Press

Load up the pirate ship, Raiders fans. Time to set sail and hoist a new flag over ye deck.

What, are you really going to just sit there and love your Raiders when they’ve already quit on you for the last time? Your team is running off with another city, and you’re going to keep making them dinner and ironing their clothes until they are out the door?

Forget Las Vegas. Who needs the Raiders?

Not you, not now, not ever again.

Go get yourself a new team.

This season was lost the minute coach Jon Gruden put all the good furniture on the front lawn and had a moving sale. There went defensive cornerstone Khalil Mack for first-round picks to be traded away later. There goes receiver Amari Cooper, to remember he’s great somewhere else.

The Franchise makes no bones about leaving you behind. Why are you going to stick around toward the increasingly bitter end?

mark davis
In this April 28, 2016, file photo, Oakland Raiders owner Mark Davis, center, meets with Raiders fans in Las Vegas. John Locher Associated Press

Don’t wait for the Raiders to pack up their last things and go. Tell Raiders overlord Mark Davis that he can’t break up with you, because you just broke up with him.

We know, this is hard. But if you look back on this lifelong relationship, what have the Raiders really brought to the table?

They haven’t won you a Lombardi Trophy since 1984. They haven’t taken you on a date to the Super Bowl since 2002. One time in the 16 years since, they came home a winner.

This franchise dragged you through 2-14 in 2006 with a serving of Art Shell warmed over. This team gave you Lane Kiffin and Tom Cable and JaMarcus Russell.

You kept coming back. What’s the matter, don’t you like yourself?

And don’t give us that loyalty bit. Loyalty isn’t loyalty if that river doesn’t run both ways, and The Franchise has given you everything but their fidelity.

We know, they’ve moved before, but that was different. House hopping from Oakland to Los Angeles back to Oakland was never about abandonment as much as relocating to different neighborhoods.

Davis has taken his Raiders – not your Raiders, because the deed is in his name – out of state. He’s decided it’s time to start seeing other NFL fans.

Time for you to start seeing other NFL teams.

The simpleton says you’ve already got a team down the Bay, but for the Love of Jim Otto’s bad hip, there is no way you can be a 49ers fan. That’s just a lateral move with a turn for the obnoxious.

You’ve got the Chargers in Los Angeles. That’s where Long Live Al Davis got his coaching start, after all. Can’t do it, though. Too much animosity in this AFC West rivalry. You want to join a winner, not the Lord of No Rings.

The Cowboys are America’s default, and Jerry Jones is a rich man’s version of Al Davis. That’s a maybe. You can root for the Patriots because … oops, sorry, hit my head on a sharp blunt object and lost focus for a minute.

Wait, we’ve got it.

Be a Rams fan.

They’re back in Los Angeles. They’ve never done anything harmful to you. They always beat the 49ers, so that’s a plus. They’re in the Los Angeles Coliseum, where your Raiders once called home.

And they just happen to be about the best thing going in the NFL. When’s the last time you’ve been able to say that about your team?

It’s settled. Put down your pirate sword, get a grip on a Rams horn, and say it with me – Go Raiders! Right out my front door.