David White

Iceland 1, Argentina 1, USA 0, and football season can’t get her fast enough

Argentina’s Lionel Messi, right, challenges for the ball with Iceland’s Birkir Bjarnason during the group D match between Argentina and Iceland at the 2018 soccer World Cup on Saturday. The teams tied 1-1.
Argentina’s Lionel Messi, right, challenges for the ball with Iceland’s Birkir Bjarnason during the group D match between Argentina and Iceland at the 2018 soccer World Cup on Saturday. The teams tied 1-1. Associated Press

The World Cup is here, which is to say anywhere but here, because our American sons who weren’t good enough to make the football team weren’t good enough to make the world’s soccer tournament, either.

If we’re going to bother the senses of you overly sensitive soccer fans, we’re really going to have to apply ourselves here.

For starters, when a team from Iceland – population 14, not counting the caribou – can pull off a tie with Argentina – one of the best teams in the world, with the LeBron James of soccer on its payroll – just, wow.

You call it parity, but only because you mispronounce the word pathetic.

When a viable way to win a World Cup game – remember, we are talking about the best teams in the world of your preferred choice of entertainment – is when the other team kinda kicks the ball in the wrong net … yeah. Way to reignite Iran’s plans for world domination.

If your best argument is billions of earthlings can’t be wrong, then explain to me The Floss.

Give me the highlights at 11 – and no, almost scoring does not a highlight make – and pardon the rest of us while we count the days down to football season.

▪ If you must know, here is the quick way to fix American soccer.

Drive down to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, ask to meet the orange-haired man, tell him to invade Brazil. We win, their soccer team becomes our soccer team, and we still won’t care about soccer.

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Former Fresno State athletic director Jim Bartko, shown in 2015, was fired Nov. 6. He is seeking $3 million in damages from the university. MARK CROSSE Fresno Bee file photo

Court of repeats

Fresno State. The gag gift that keeps re-gifting.

Just when we thought the Alma Mater was done losing lawsuits to itself, we get the booted athletic director Jim Bartko throwing a legal claim dipped in cat yak at the school that booted him in November.

Bartko says he was forced to resign. He wants $3 million for wrongful termination, hurt feelings, and the like.

Fresno State president Joseph Castro can’t win. Just ask his predecessor, John Welty, who saw Lindy Vivas, Diane Milutinovich and Stacy Johnson-Klein walk out the courthouse door with his lunch money 10 years ago.

Can Fresno State be not dysfunctional? For 5 minutes?

In an environment like this, have fun finding a new athletic director who’s worth finding, Mr. President.

Haters hate

Kevin Durant broke basketball.

Nick Saban broke college football.

Tom Brady broke the NFL.

Says a bunch of people who can’t appreciate a great thing when they see it.

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County All-Star Imanol Arredondo of Caruthers High takes the ball on a run play during the 2018 City/County All-Star football game at Lamonica Stadium in Clovis on Friday, June 15, 2018.

Small Town, USA

The weather is scorched. The players are out of game shape. Here’s why we still love the City/County All-Star Football Game, which turned 64 Friday by way of County’s 10-5 victory at Lamonica Stadium.

A kid named Imanol Arredondo from Caruthers could step on a field against the Big School Kids – something that can never happen during football season and qualify as a fair fight – and run off with the MVP award.

Don’t ever let where you’re from keep you from where you can go.

▪ Speaking of out in the middle of nowhere, congrats to Warriors assistant Ron Adams, the Laton king with three NBA rings in his jewelry chest. Laton is so small, they go to Caruthers when it’s time to go to the Big City.

Greatest coach Fresno State has ever fired.

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