The demolition is complete. The Fresno State football team left no stone unobliterated in the worst season since Jim Sweeney got that Bulldog spirit down in his heart.
Time for new coach Jeff Tedford to strap on his safety goggles as we look elsewhere for weekend diversions from our 9-to-5 cubicle existence.
Where to start?
Los Raiders – Every time quarterback Derek Carr speaks from a podium or throws on the run or conducts a postgame prayer, it helps us stutter less when asked if we, too, went to Fresno State.
Maybe when Derek Carr is done with football, we’ll send him to negotiate Middle East treaties and win long-term land wars in Asia.
If God sent him to Fresno State to win a conference title for Pat Hill, and Carr swears it’s true, surely God sent him to Oakland to spring light into the Black Hole.
Maybe when Carr is done with football, we’ll send him to negotiate Middle East treaties and win long-term land wars in Asia.
Golden State Warriors – We like that they lost to the Spurs and Lakers early. We want them to lose to the Cavaliers.
The NBA regular season is meaningless enough. A little intrigue and drama plot will help us tune in between now and Mother’s Day.
High school football – You mean to say not a single Clovis Unified school is in the section championships? Guess Clovis isn’t the only way of life around here … though we tremble for all those third-grade flag football teamers who will be running sprints throughout Clovis proper Monday morning.
This would be a great time to make a Friday night of it at the farmland outskirts of Central, Selma, Strathmore and Mendota. Bring a padded seat because the bleachers have splinters, and get there early because the whole town is showing up.
Fresno State men’s basketball – Don’t talk to us about that early loss to whoever they lost to … all we know is the Bulldogs beat a Pac-12 Conference team for the first time in 10 bothers.
(That would be Oregon State, 63-58, on the road Friday, for those who stopped paying attention).
Knowing the nostalgic-ridden Giants, they’ll just bring back Tim Lincecum, trade for Pablo Sandoval and kick the tires on Barry Zito, for old time’s sake.
We like their chances Wednesday against Menlo College, after all.
Baseball offseason – The winter meetings are Dec. 4-8, and we’re dying to see what Los Giants are going to do about their bullpen.
“Shoring up” isn’t an option, in that there is nothing to shore. Free-agent closer Aroldis Chapman is a great idea, if your idea of great is going the suspended-for-domestic violence route.
Knowing the nostalgia-ridden Giants, they’ll just bring back Tim Lincecum, trade for Pablo Sandoval and kick the tires on Barry Zito, for old time’s sake.
San Francisco 49ers – The quarterback gets the woodshed treatment by Miami media for wearing a Fidel Castro shirt. The defense avoids contact with running backs as if this is a game of tag and they wish not to be it.
The coach has some longing for the Jim Tomsula days. They’re about to lose 10 straight games for the first time in the history of ever.
Are you not entertained?