Hey there. It’s Thursday, Sept. 1, 2016, and I’m here with your helping of the Morning Scoop. (Subscribe right here to get the Scoop in your inbox because it’s Thursday and you feel good about life.)
What You Need to Know
• The Republican candidate for president traveled to Mexico and things went about as well as expected.
• Northwest Fresno residents are not cool with sex offenders living in their neighborhood.
• There’s a federal ban on gun sales to medical marijuana users – arguably the chillest people around – because laws are weird.
• In an effort to educate the public (haha, remember education?), the AP has broken down “The Star Spangled Banner” and Colin Kaepernick’s protest of it.
• The California Assembly doesn’t want you to make more money if you work Thanksgiving.
• Whenever I read about the Clovis bathroom group Stop the Madness, I can’t help but think of infomercial star Susan Powter and then I miss the ’90s.
What You Want to Know
• Sierra Vista Cinemas in Clovis is installing “fat seats.” They call them “fat seats.” That’s their phrase, not mine. “Fat seats.”
• The Beehive is giving away theater tickets and all you have to do is reveal which word you often mispell.
• If you haven’t read any Letters to the Editor lately, you should. They’re a great tool for determining which of your neighbors are earnest.
What You Wish You Didn’t Know
• Don’t worry, there are no roaches in your taquitos. I said don’t worry!
• There’s a criminal, I guess, throwing apples onto people’s rooftops in Washington, which just sounds like grocery delivery to me.
• And finally, hickeys will not only kill you from embarrassment, they will simply kill you. Happy Thursday!
Heather McLane: email@example.com, @heather_mclane