Morning Scoop

After School Satan Clubs, a scary bat and the 100-pound hamburger

A file photo shows a brown bat flying with a beetle in its mouth. The most common species of bat in the United States, the brown can be rabid but has rarely been linked with human cases of rabies.
A file photo shows a brown bat flying with a beetle in its mouth. The most common species of bat in the United States, the brown can be rabid but has rarely been linked with human cases of rabies. AP

Hi! It’s Tuesday, August 2, 2016. Here’s your helping of the Morning Scoop.

What You Need to Know

• One of the worst crashes in Merced County in at least a decade happened early this morning.

• A local woman who is a suspect in a fatal DUI crash that happened earlier this year has given birth in jail (so go home tonight and hug your kids and remind them how great you are).

• After School Satan Clubs are trying to become a thing at elementary schools and parents across the U.S. are super excited about it. Just kidding.

• Republican lawmakers are bummed out by Donald Trump: part 150,264.

• In fact, a Republican member of Congress has announced he will vote for Hillary Clinton instead of his own party’s candidate. Ouch.

• If you steal a van from a plumber, find out if he has a concealed weapons permit before telling him on two-way radio where you’re taking his van. Alternative: don’t steal vans.

What You Want to Know

• Police departments will host National Night Out gatherings this evening in Tulare, Visalia and Fresno. If you live in Clovis, however, you will have to barbecue your own hot dogs tonight.

• The struggle of finding a nice, creative way to say “Happy Birthday” to scores of people on Facebook every single day is real.

• Being a comedian is hard. Being a respectful audience member at a comedy show is definitely not hard.

What You Wish You Didn’t Know

• A dead bat found in Fresno tested positive for rabies – just in case you needed a reminder that wild animals are terrifying and out to get you.

• A 100-pound hamburger exists. Or it did until people ate it.

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