Heyyyy. It’s Friday, Oct. 21, 2016, and I’m here with your helping of the Morning Scoop. (Subscribe here to get the Scoop in your inbox because you know how to click links.)
What You Need to Know
• Fresno City Council approved a bunch of resolutions and ordinances to make downtown a thing again.
• A secret tape of Austin Police Chief Art Acevedo talking to his commanders about how his department treats people of color has been leaked.
• It seems like getting two candidates who openly despise each other to trade jokes for charity is a crazy idea, but in 2016 I guess crazy ideas are all that’s left.
• If you can’t win, you might as well whine. Solid campaign strategy, solid life advice.
• NASCAR attendance is down … because fans are too busy making poorly spelled signs to wave at Trump rallies. Hey-ohhhh.
What You Want to Know
• A bike race will be held Saturday in honor of Fresno artist Edward Lund.
• After reading this, I feel like scoreboard operator might be the ideal job.
• A San Diego Zoo gorilla gave birth and then posed for a very adorable mother/baby photo.
• Where does one get in line for an emotional support duck? I will take two, please.
What You Wish You Didn’t Know
• A 20-year-old who’s never heard of GoFundMe is selling her virginity to raise money after her family’s house burned down, and sleazy pimp Dennis Hof will get 50%, natch.
• And finally, police in Sacramento were led to a dead body after they spotted a woman walking down the street with its skull on a stick, like you do.
Have a great weekend, all!
Heather McLane: firstname.lastname@example.org, @heather_mclane