Good morning. It’s Monday, Oct. 10, 2016, and I’m here with your helping of the Morning Scoop. (Subscribe here to get the Scoop in your inbox because you don’t believe Columbus discovered anything, either.)
What You Need to Know
• A Fresno man who was barking and threatening people with a knife was shot by police.
• A woman tried to talk sense with a screaming, pooping toddler on TV last night and now we all get to assign the title of “winner” to one of them.
• Billy Bush has been suspended from “The Today Show.” You know why.
• Central High students in Fresno soon will be able to take Hmong and Punjabi language classes.
• Wanted: Someone to build a high-speed rail station that will attract foot traffic, increase the downtown residential population and change Fresno in a thousand positive ways forever and ever. No pressure.
• The train will always win. Always.
What You Want to Know
• Now you can buy that $11,000 handbag you’ve always wanted in Fresno. Finally.
• If you missed Gabriel Iglesias at The Big Fresno Fair, he’ll probably be back again next year, so sit tight.
• It’s time for the annual weighing of large, useless gourds.
What You Wish You Didn’t Know
• You will pry my Drumsticks out of my cold, dead, listeria-tainted hands, you hear me?
• And finally, a guy was disgusted when he found a fried chicken head in a box of wings, but like, chicken is chicken. Right? No?
Happy Monday, everyone. Stay away from trains, chicken and ice cream today and you’ll be OK. Oh, and Lunchables. Just stay inside and don’t eat anything. Bye!