Howdy. It’s Wednesday, Sept. 14, 2016, and I’m here with your helping of the Morning Scoop. (Subscribe here to get the Scoop in your inbox because why not.)
What You Need to Know
• The water in northeast Fresno is bad. Like, really bad.
• Cinemark is dropping its request that victims of the 2012 Aurora, Colo. shooting pay them $700,000 in legal fees – but there’s a catch.
• An investigator with some free time and clearly no games on his phone decided to send in some DNA for testing and managed to solve a 40-year-old cold case.
• Worst thing you’ll hear all week, hopefully: A man who killed his 6-year-old daughter in front of park rangers told them, “It’s what she wanted.”
• New York’s Attorney General has opened up an investigation into the Trump Foundation to determine if Donald Trump is actually a life-size sock puppet operated by a rotating group of out-of-work 90s shock jocks.
What You Want to Know
• For $100 you can eat unlimited mediocre pasta for seven weeks.
• Is Rick Bentley’s review of the “Blair Witch” remake better than the movie itself? I can’t say for sure but yes, definitely.
• If you live to be 100 years old, you deserve to have your story told. Here’s Mae Cora Peterson’s.
• It snowed in Yosemite yesterday, reminding us all that better weather will come to us eventually. Eventually.
What You Wish You Didn’t Know
• Twitter will start streaming NFL games on a new app on Apple TV and what does this sentence even mean.
• And finally, what do failed presidential hopefuls do with the campaign money they’ve raised? Give it to charity, of course. HAHAHA. Just kidding.
Have a great Wednesday, everyone.
Heather McLane: email@example.com, @heather_mclane