Good morning. It’s Monday, Sept. 12, 2016, and I’m here with your helping of the Morning Scoop. (Subscribe here to get the Scoop in your inbox because it’s too early to actually start working.)
What You Need to Know
• Hundreds gathered in Clovis yesterday to remember the heroes of 9/11.
• Transgender actress Alexis Arquette has died.
• Hillary Clinton is sick and people can’t seem to get over it.
• Last year there were 31 homicides in Fresno at this time and this year there are only 23, so go team.
• Maybe someone hasn’t told adults in teaching positions that it’s never okay to have sex with students, so let me: Stop it.
What You Want to Know
• Amy Poehler, who will forever be my best friend Leslie Knope, has finally won an Emmy.
• Weirdly, some grownups actually want to see movies that don’t feature characters with enhanced abilities wearing skintight costumes.
• Savvy Shields: precocious teen sleuth from a 1980s book series or the latest Miss America?
• Read this story only if you feel like crying fat tears of relief for humanity.
What You Wish You Didn’t Know
• Gas prices are up, which you’ll know if you were near Palm and Bullard the other day and heard me growl, “$2.69, are you serious,” from my car window.
• And finally, it seems there are less painful ways to show body positivity than naked bicycling. Naked standing still and eating cheese? Naked napping? Just some ideas off the top of my head.
Happy Monday, you guys. Get out there and eat some cheese, clothed or not. Do you.