Hey there. It’s Tuesday, Sept. 6, 2016, and I’m here with your helping of the Morning Scoop. (Subscribe here to get the Scoop in your inbox because you’re not yet ready to get back to work after the holiday.)
What You Need to Know
• A Fresno man has been arrested for attacking a woman with a box cutter, which is one of the worst things I’ve heard lately.
• Fiercely red Texas may be becoming a more regal purple.
• Blackstone Avenue was closed after a woman was hit by a car last night.
• Have you seen this man accused of armed robbery? The police want to know, though I’m curious, too.
• People are pretty stoked that a Playboy model who Snapchatted a photo of a naked 70-year-old at the gym may face criminal charges.
What You Want to Know
• A Fresno woman asked a bunch of artists to interpret her look and you know you’ve secretly always wanted to do that.
• This is cool, but a missed opportunity to just go ahead and name the planet closest to the sun “Freddie.”
• The first openly gay Miss America contestant will compete for the title this month and you can almost feel people in the flyover states rushing to Facebook to joyously announce their boycotting of the pageant.
• When people complain about the demands marrying couples make on their wedding guests, I’m like, “So skip the wedding,” which is probably why I don’t have an advice column.
What You Wish You Didn’t Know
• And finally, when a story begins with, “A naked man was found on the beach at 2 a.m.,” you can already kinda guess in what part of the country, right?
Have a good day, everybody!
Heather McLane: email@example.com, @heather_mclane