Dear Amy: My family and I live in a small town in the Midwest.
My daughter’s friend from high school and college, “Laura,” is getting married this summer.
My daughter is in the wedding party. Laura has been with her fiancé since high school. They are a great couple, and everyone likes them.
While I was in Indianapolis on business last week, I clearly saw Laura walking hand in hand with an unknown man. They had their hands on each other, and stopped to kiss one another along the way.
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I believe that she is having an affair with this man in the big city, almost 100 miles from our town.
Should I tell my daughter, tell anyone else – or bite my lip and go to the wedding in June, smiling, and feeling like a fraud?
Please don’t tell me that I didn’t see what I saw, or that I somehow misread what I saw with my own eyes, because there was no mistaking what I saw.
Dear Upset: Because this bothers you so much, you could contact “Laura” directly. Tell her what you saw, and share your reaction to what you saw – if you must.
There is no reason to tell your daughter or anyone else about this.
There are a number of reasons why a bride-to-be might get together with another man before the wedding. This might not be an ongoing affair, but the ending of a relationship. You simply don’t know.
If Laura is having an affair and gets married, then she – not you – should feel like a fraud at her wedding.
Dear Amy: I’m a high-school student who just finished my first phone interview. The scout was one of my dad’s patients, and passed along the contact.
I think I did pretty well, except for one question. The interviewer (my dad’s patient) asked me a VERY basic math question.
I froze, used my calculator (which she probably heard over the phone), and took way too long to answer the question. I know it seems like not that big of a deal, but I’m so embarrassed! I’m worried she'll think I’m an idiot; this reflects badly on my dad. I’m worried I'll be put last on the list for the job!
What should I do? I don’t have an email address. I only have her phone number.
Dear Unsure: It is very easy to get an email address. You can look up the person and her company name, call the company’s main number, or ask your father to help.
You should either email her or write a handwritten note, thanking her for the interview.
Even if you don’t discuss your math question, you absolutely MUST thank her in writing for the interview.
Simply say, “I’m worried that I blew the math question, but to be honest I was super-nervous and I totally froze! Thank you again for giving me the experience of interviewing; I’m sorry I was so nervous. I hope that won’t happen again.”
Most people have this experience, or one like it when first interviewing, and it does not reflect badly on you or your father. If you explain it well, it might even be to your advantage, because the woman who interviewed you would think – “Wow, this student is really honest. It’s refreshing to have someone just admit their mistake.”
Dear Amy: Which century are you living in? Not the 21st. You answered the question from “Overwhelmed,” saying that a man who supports his family is doing all he needs to do?
Come on, this daddy is indifferent to his baby. The new fathers I know in the 21st century bathe, diaper, and can’t get enough of their child. Did you not print the entire letter? Are we missing something? Does this father doubt the kid is his? How about suggesting counseling to determine what the hell is going on?
Or was this a ploy to see how many readers would respond to this incredibly dumb answer?
Dear HS: “Overwhelmed” reported that her husband traveled extensively for his job and was rarely home. It was quite obvious (to me) that he had not bonded with his baby. The question of bonding is a timeless one, and can affect mothers or fathers, if the parent doesn’t spend much time with their baby. I tried to offer practical advice and support to this overwhelmed young mother. Counseling would be a good idea, but with his schedule, that doesn’t sound practical.
Email Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org.