D ear Amy: My freshman college daughter was not in a drinking crowd in high school. Her college roommate and her roommate’s friend party very hard on the weekends.
My daughter has gone out with them and makes sure her roommate gets home safely by cab, and often calls for help from other sober friends.
Her roommate and friend berate her when she has to locate them to make sure “they don’t get raped,” since they are so bombed and out of control.
Last weekend her roommate didn’t come home until the next day. The roommate’s friend called at 3:30 a.m. — drunk, lost and incoherent.
My daughter found her outside — shoeless and wearing someone else’s clothes. The friend said she might have been raped, but wasn’t making sense. She didn’t want to go to authorities, even after my daughter’s insistence. My daughter watched her until early morning and insisted they go to the hospital, but the friend refused.
When my daughter confronted her roommate about what happened, she laughed. My daughter is livid. She has told her roommate she can no longer take responsibility for baby-sitting her. She no longer wants anything to do with these girls. She warned them about their behavior, and after trying to watch over them she feels they have no clue how risky their behavior is.
I know the roommate’s mom and would be comfortable calling her to talk about her daughter’s destructive behavior. Please weigh in.
— Concerned Mom
Dear Concerned: Definitely call this roommate’s mother. Also notify the school. Both the parents and the college have a responsibility to try to keep these foolish drunks safe until they grow — or sober — up.
Your daughter’s behavior is admirable but it is far above her abilities to keep these girls safe. How stressful and frightening.
You should tell her that the next time she stumbles across a half-dressed woman claiming she was raped (no matter who the person is), she should bypass the girl’s stated wishes (she’s impaired) AND the college, call 911 and wait with the girl until help arrives.
Dear Amy: Regarding “Bewildered in Baltimore,” who wondered if she should tell a woman that she had had an affair with the woman’s fiance: A simple solution is to say to the cheater something like, “ ‘Shirley’ needs to know about our relationship. Are you going to tell her or am I?”
— Loyal Reader
Dear Loyal: This is ideal. Thank you.