Marie Osmond might steal your husband at her next concert.
After opening her show with a cycle of her greatest hits — including Paper Roooooses — she asked the men in the crowd to stand up so she could pick herself a boyfriend.
The lucky dude who joined her onstage nearly tripped over himself confessing his teenage crush on her, and then joined her for a duet to win a trip to Vegas.
Osmond, whose five-decade career launched with Donny & Marie in 1975, played a concert that felt a lot like a variety show. There were guest stars and wild costume changes, genre-spanning musical numbers and lots of shenanigans. Fans of her vintage pop-country songs were mostly out of luck, as Osmond preferred to sing off her newest album.
She performed for a full Paul Paul Theater (aided perhaps by the fact that it was Seniors’ Day at the fair). But her fans were out in force. Before the show began, one came by to tell me that it was Marie’s birthday this week, and that we should all sing to her.
Osmond herself is a versatile singer who didn’t take herself too seriously. She read her audience well, and mixed ballads with solid comedic timing.
At one point, she turned to a 16-year-old in the front row and asked, "Do you even know who I am?"
"I’m Cher," Osmond said without waiting for an answer. "She doesn’t know who Cher is."
After a second set, Osmond crouched next to a little fan and talked about her hot flashes, before chugging a water bottle and saying she doesn’t have birthdays anymore.
Another Osmond took over for her at her break. I think this one was David Osmond, but honestly, who can keep track?
She returned to the stage in a kimono and burst into "Nessun Dorma" — an aria sung with skill, if not subtlety — before launching into a series of showtunes from "The King and I," "Chicago" and "Cabaret."
Overall, the show was the musical equivalent of a Fresno Fair cinnamon roll — sugary sweet and good for the evening, even if you weren’t a lifelong Marie fan.