Dear Little League parent,
Maybe Dear is too strong a lead-in. Let’s go with something closer to your cap size. Hey, Purported Grown-Up who yells at 9-year-olds because that’s your idea of a family night well spent.
Wear a light-blue collar and a chest protector next time if you’re such a strike-zone expert. Grab a lineup card and coach the team yourself if you’re such a brilliant strategist.
Pack a glove and play left field if you’re such an all-star.
Otherwise, do us all a solid and stop spoiling our bleachers into flame-broiled vomit farms. You are as insufferable as you are unoriginal, joining the learning-resistant ranks of parents who have shin-kicked childhood at ballyards throughout the Lower 48.
No wonder Maj. Gen. Abner Doubleday never took credit for inventing baseball. Beating dead cows with sticks sure seemed like a grand idea until his parents showed up and screamed at him to look alive out there.
We’re a happy family – Speaking of peace summits, the Fresno State baseball players crossed Cedar Avenue on Thursday to see their softball comrades off to the NCAA regionals and, yeah, that’s kind of a big deal.
We’re talking about two diamond clubs that never would have considered such a goodwill gesture before coaches Mike Batesole and Trisha Ford got their respective office keys – well, maybe it would have happened back when, but only for the unabashed pleasure of seeing the other take the next coach bus out of town.
Fresno State’s employee directory is in great danger of being on the same team, which reminds us: The local lawyer pool may want to pick up a paper route to cover their Van Ness extension mortgage, because the Fresno State v. Fresno State lawsuit age is on ice.
Call the ring company – Speaking of Batesole, his happy band of scholarships won their first Mountain West Conference title this weekend, which means he can keep his “Every Recruit Gets a Prize” hard sell for at least four more years.
In 14 years, Batesole has sized every four-year player for a ring. Know what’ll look good with that? A postseason pennant to match, because no class wants to go down as Batesole’s first to never get a free NCAA regionals shirt.
They’ll have to win the conference tournament in New Mexico to get their postseason Marriott points, and by all means should because New Mexico hasn’t been as New Mexico as the name would imply. Pull that off, and we suspect the softball team will be there to return to the road-crossing favor.
Meanwhile, back at the softball farm – Who cares how the 20th-ranked Bulldogs finish out the weekend at the Los Angeles regional?
Ford has all kinds of awesome going on, and we don’t just mean her win-loss ratio. She’s funny and blunt and smart and encouraging, and offers stunning evidence that you can smile when you win and not prison-shank reporters when you lose.
Clearly, she skipped out on the mandatory snarl-at-the-ready webinar. Future Fresno State additions, feel free to match that truancy.
Tic-tac-toe – Catch that, Jim Bartko? That makes three consecutive happy thoughts written about your hired hands in a single column. How can the Fresno State athletic director be not a fan?