Hi, everyone. Steph Curry’s ankles here.
We know what you’re thinking. Who invited our tender little tendons to the Golden State Warriors’ postseason party? Didn’t mean to crash Saturday’s postseason tipoff, but we’d hate for you to crown the Warriors in mid-April.
Now that we’ve got your attention, here is how this little NBA championship repeat is going to work, if it’s going to work at all. The Warriors are going to clip the net strings because of us, and in spite of us, all at the same time.
Face it: The Warriors can’t win without us. We’re the launching pad for those record 402 three-pointers our uppers love to shoot. We’re how Curry drives the lane for a convoluted glass shot. If not for us, there is no Curry breaking someone else’s ankles with a dribble off the crossover.
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Like a kid in timeout over there on the bench.
Stephen Curry, on his mood after being rejected three times in his bid to return to the court after tweaking his ankle
How is it our fault that we have all the stability of peanut brittle? Did you see Curry roll one of us halfway through rolling the Houston Rockets 104-78? Now Warriors coach Steve Kerr is calling us “questionable” for Game 2.
Well, Kerr, we’ve got news for you: We’re always questionable, and we’ve got the extensive medical chart history to prove it.
Funny how 73 regular-season wins make for a great record but mean nothing if you don’t get to 89 (that’s the necessary 16 playoff wins, for those who slept in arithmetic class). Chew on that while Curry wraps us in ice.
All Clayton Kershaw does is win regular-season games.
As in, that’s all Kershaw does. The intellectual property of Dodgers Inc. wins nothing but games April through September, which makes for a dynamite Cy Young collection but does nothing to add World Series trophies to the fireplace mantle.
Remember that when he beats the Giants, when all they do is win World Series games every other year.
4.59 Clayton Kershaw’s career postseason ERA
The Fresno Grizzlies sold every stub to their home opener Friday, and they didn’t even need a Buster Posey cameo to fill the tub.
This doesn’t mean Fresno is home to 13,415 Astros fans. It means this town loves a winner, and always remember that, Fresno State, when you’re spamming our email with season ticket offers.
Field a winner, and this city will dare to venture south of Herndon Avenue.
So, the Los Angeles Rams just gave every first-round pick and vital organ they could harvest to swipe the No. 1 overall draft pick out of Tennessee’s handbag.
The St. Louis escapees made the trade presumably to draft a franchise quarterback. We read they’re looking to North Dakota State.
All we know is, if Carson Wentz doesn’t hash out as hoped, it won’t be long before Los Angeles sends the Rams back to St. Louis and sues the league for breach of contact.
They were, after all, promised an NFL team, not an FCS all-star squad.