SHIRLEY BRUEGMAN: Slow down and breathe

Published online on Saturday, Oct. 10, 2009

Click, click, click -- the sound the boot brace makes as I hobble across the parking lot. Some people stare. Others pretend not to notice or smile sympathetically. I'm feeling very embarrassed.

We all think we are indestructible until that moment in time when we are proven otherwise. My moment came on a typical Saturday. I had recently returned from a trip to Nebraska and my "to do" list was long.

I began the day running errands. First to the Farmer's Market, cleaners, grocery store, and a stop to pick up my Philharmonic ticket.

While I was away, the spiders had been busy preparing the house and yard for Halloween. I must get rid of all those webs. They are everywhere, even in the pool.

After lunch, I changed into my "Huskers" tee shirt, my favorite flip-flops, grabbed the broom with the extension handle and waged the battle.

It looked so much better that it seemed a good idea to continue my cleaning mission by washing down the pool house. The garden hose and I were getting along just fine until the water flow was reduced to a drip-drip-drip. A kink. Darn! Will need to walk across the wet patio to untangle it.

The next second is difficult to remember in detail. I yanked and the hose didn't give. It was caught on the edge of the house. I yanked again. It didn't move.

But I did -- right down onto the cement floor. Sharp pains shot through my right ankle and knee. My stomach wanted to throw up. My first thoughts were, "This can't be happening to me. I have to be OK as I have all these things on my calendar -- including a conference to attend next week."

Like many other times in my life, I so would have liked to turn the clock back. My mind is full of thoughts: I will be fine. I'm strong. After all, I go to the gym four or five times a week. Is this an old age thing? I'm getting "older" but am not "old." Some ice and Ace bandages will take care of it. I know there is an ice bag somewhere in this house.

Made it through the night. I really want to go to that concert. Sunday afternoon I iced for a long time, wrapped the bandages around my ankle and knee and headed for the Saroyan Theatre.

Managed to get up the first flight of stairs. I was drenched in a cold sweat. Crawling back down the stairs and to my car must be somewhat how it feels to climb Mount Everest.

The home remedies weren't working. The swelling had gotten worse and my entire foot was black and blue.

Monday morning found me in the doctor's office. I was plea bargaining with God, "Please, don't let it be so bad that they have to put on a cast and I won't be able to drive." The X-rays didn't reveal any breakage.

The diagnosis was ligament tears in the right ankle and knee. I would be wearing a walking boot for four to six weeks, a brace on my knee, and seeing a physical therapist. Driving would require wearing two types of boots -- one for walking and one for driving. Creative juggling is needed getting in and out of the car. But it works!

Perhaps this accident wasn't an accident? This past summer, I was fortunate to participate in the CSU Summer Arts Writing Program. The lead professor, Doug Rice, kept reminding us to "Slow down, breathe and get rid of the noise in your life."

This past week, I have spent a lot of time breathing. I breathe while I read, I breathe while icing my leg. And, I breathe while I watch some wonderful PBS television programs such as Ken Burns series on the American park system.

It seems I should use some of this down time for reflection. I'm not very good at it. I seem to be happier looking forward to a schedule full of events to attend and commitments to fulfill. Perhaps this will change -- a little?

Perhaps I will be more aware of others who are struggling? This afternoon, as I was hobbling down the aisle at the grocery store, I saw a man coming toward me on crutches.

We paused, smiled at each other, and slowly went on our way.