Do you remember the 2007 movie “The Bucket List?” That’s the one in which Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, both dying of cancer, make a list of things they want to do before they “kick the bucket.”
Together, they go skydiving, ride motorcycles on the Great Wall of China, fly over the North Pole, and climb to the top of the Great Pyramid.
Ever since the movie came out, more and more people have been making their own bucket lists.
You know what I mean: Run with the bulls in Pamplona. Hike the entire Appalachian Trail. Ride the Trans-Siberian Railway. Swim with the dolphins in the Caribbean. Learn to speak Italian. Finish an Ironman Triathlon in 12 hours. Play a guitar for tips in the Times Square subway station.
Give me a break!
Still, I’m thinking that I need to come up with a bucket list of my own as a way to break out of my dreary, day-to-day existence. My son accuses me of being too predictable, and he may be right.
So, here it is — my bucket list. I’d better start soon, because living so dangerously could shorten my life.
• Have dinner at a restaurant that doesn’t have a two-for-one coupon in the Entertainment Book.
• Drive through the braided ramps on Highway 180 over and over until I understand how they work.
• Visit Madam Sophia the Palm Reader in Fowler.
• Pay the extra $2 to touch the stingrays at Chaffee Zoo.
• Go to the Madera Fair. Every year I say I want to go, and every year it’s too hot. And Madera is so far away.
• Buy shoes someplace other than Nordstrom Rack.
• Go to an ArtHop gallery and have a conversation with the artist, instead of just stopping in for a minute to eat the cheese and crackers.
• Buy a bottle of wine at Trader Joe’s that costs more than $2.49.
• Learn the names of the Houston Astros’ top 30 minor-league prospects — like I knew the names of the Giants’ top 30 prospects.
• Spend a destination weekend at Casa de Fruta. Ride the Casa de Choo Choo, eat at Casa de Coffee, shop at Casa de Gifts, and spend the night at Casa de Motel.
• Go to a Grizzlies game when the Sacramento River Cats arenot
• Attend the “contemporary” service at church.
• Buy a ticket for a Fresno State football game with my own money instead of waiting for my friend to give me an extra ticket every three years.
• Go to Kings County and drive around the entire perimeter of the former Tulare Lake.
• See the Alan Autry movie “The Legend of Jake Kinkaid.”
• Have a meal at Roger Rocka’s Dinner Theater instead of just going to the show.
• Memorize the names and district numbers of my congressman, state senator, state assemblyman, city council member, and school board member. (That’s Rep. Devin Nunes, District 22; State Sen. Tom Berryhill, District 8; Assemblymember Jim Patterson, District 23; Fresno City Councilmember Paul Caprioglio, District 4, and Fresno Unified School District Board member Janet Ryan, District 6.)
• Call an ESPN radio 940 phone-in show and complain about how the Pac-12 is afraid to let Fresno State in.
• Visit the public libraries in Firebaugh, Mendota, Tranquility, and San Joaquin.
• Buy a California Lottery ticket.
• Read the informative signs under the fake giant Sequoias at the Fresno Air Terminal.
• Hike the first mile of the John Muir Trail.
• Lift my bike on and off a city bus, without it falling off the rack, and ride around downtown.
• Enter the costume contest at one of the Classic Film Series movies at Warnors Theater. And win.
• Attend a concert where the singers are younger than I.
• Take a 15-minute daily afternoon nap instead of a 30-minute nap, because I’ll need the extra time to complete the bucket list.