Hey! It’s Friday, Sept. 2, 2016, and I’m here with your helping of the Morning Scoop. (Subscribe right here to get the Scoop in your inbox because it’s Friday, baby.)
What You Need to Know
• The Fresno City Council voted last night to recognize the killings of thousands of Sikhs in 1984 as genocide.
• Dylan Noble’s mother has filed a wrongful-death suit against the Fresno Police Department.
• Parlier police need you to help identify a couple of suspected thieves because let’s be real: you’re not really working right now anyway.
• More people than ever are texting and driving and you can guess what that means. (Hint: death. It’s more death.)
• A man who clearly needs more Netflix in his life is accused of egging his neighbor’s house over 100 times in a year.
• Who names hurricanes? Because this one looks like it’s supposed to be “Hermione” but isn’t and I need someone in charge to know that.
What You Want to Know
• If you’ve got $500 and a dream, you – yes, you – can help turn Fulton Street into a Fresno hot spot.
• Amy Schumer knows how to handle dummies who pay money to see her show just to be sexist turds.
• Mayor Ashley Swearengin has a lot of Fresno T-shirts.
What You Wish You Didn’t Know
• “Police say he answered his door shirtless and had corn kernels stuck to his chest.”
• And finally, a bunch of horny tarantulas are on the loose in California.
Have a great Labor Day weekend! Make sure to check in with the Scoop on Monday because I don’t get that day off. I’m not bitter.
Heather McLane: firstname.lastname@example.org, @heather_mclane