Hello! It’s Wednesday, Aug. 31, 2016, and I’m here with your helping of the Morning Scoop. (Subscribe here to receive the Scoop in your inbox because you need something to do until the new season of “Stranger Things” begins.)
What You Need to Know
• The Republican candidate for president stopped quickly in Tulare yesterday to grab some cash.
• Singer Chris Brown has been released from jail after a standoff with police and I’m sure he’s at home right now meditating and reflecting calmly on how to make better life choices.
• Two people were pulled from their car after it went into a canal in Mendota and does anyone else have trouble breathing while reading this story?
• Fresno Pacific University has been shamed for discriminating against LGBT students.
• Whoever is starting fires along Highway 99 needs to stop it.
• If you were looking to enroll at ITT Technical Institute in Clovis, you can’t.
What You Want to Know
• 135 neglected animals were saved from a shelter in Orange Cove and you can give your soul a boost by helping them out.
• A sweet, 9-year-old boy saluted a veteran during a funeral procession and made a bunch of people believe ever-so-briefly in humanity again.
• I can think of 10,000 better things to do with tomatoes, and 9,999 of them involve pizza.
What You Wish You Didn’t Know
• Scary clowns, aliens, secret blocs of Trump voters: what keeps you awake at night?
• It turns out there is not a giant python terrorizing Maine as previously thought. There is a giant anaconda terrorizing Maine.
• And finally, whatever you do today, be cooler than the naked guy who photobombed a high schooler’s senior pics, okay? Happy Wednesday!
Heather McLane: email@example.com, @heather_mclane