Howdy! It’s Thursday, Oct. 13, 2016, and I’m here with your helping of the Morning Scoop. (Subscribe here to get the Scoop in your inbox because could you be more into news?)
What You Need to Know
• U.S. missiles destroyed three radar sites on the Yemen coast, and someone needs to make sure Chandler Bing is okay. He’s at 15 Yemen Road, Yemen.
• A Fresno woman threw chunks of asphalt at high school students she says made fun of her and I feel there’s maybe more to this story. Or not. People can be really mean.
Never miss a local story.
• Domestic violence victims in rural communities now have access to help from the Marjaree Mason Center.
• Exhibiting a wondrous mastery of poetry, Australia’s state Parliament unanimously passed a motion naming one of the U.S. presidential candidates “a revolting slug unfit for public office.” Try to guess which one!
• Nothing about this story is okay.
• If you’re interested in Colin Kaepernick’s contract details, you’re covered. Small triumph alert: I can now spell ‘Kaepernick’ without looking it up.
What You Want to Know
• What’s happening on local TV? Glad you asked.
• An 853-pound elephant seal traveled 7,400 miles looking for food and I’m like, “Ugh. I’m sooo hungry but the fridge is in the other roooom.”
• A California Condor chick was hatched in the wild and flew from its nest for the first time since the 1890s and you can’t tell me this isn’t breaking news.
• Not sure what a “Rocky Horror Picture Show” remake can do to improve on the original, but here we are.
What You Wish You Didn’t Know
• And finally, a hospital in Oregon lifted quarantine off its ER after five people developed bizarre hallucinations, though it seems like that means they should have to stay in quarantine, right? The truth is out there.
Great Thursday, all. I’ll be there for you … tomorrow morning, as usual.
Heather McLane: email@example.com, @heather_mclane