Heyyyy. It’s Friday, Sept. 30, 2016, and I’m here with your helping of the Morning Scoop. (Subscribe here to get the Scoop in your inbox because you made it to the weekend, superstar.)
What You Need to Know
• Shootings on Blackstone are a thing that happens in Fresno now.
• The best wannabe criminals are the ones tracked via threats on social media.
• There’s apparently grody water in Clovis, too.
• Jean Shepard, a former Visalian and longtime member of the Grand Ole Opry, has died.
• Philippines president Rodrigo Duterte referenced Hitler while expressing his dream of slaughtering 3 million addicts, so – silver lining – America isn’t the only country with a politician problem.
• Using your phone for any reason while driving just became unlawful, so no more playing deejay in the car.
What You Want to Know
• Northwest Fresnans will have to go elsewhere for weird-smelling steaks.
• Fresno State bricked on recruiting football star Charles Williams. Or, they fouled. I don’t know sports.
• If you enjoyed his character in Netflix’s “Jessica Jones” (and why wouldn’t you), you should check out “Marvel’s Luke Cage.”
• Tomorrow starts Banned Books Week, so make sure to celebrate by reading something some hand-wringing busybody doesn’t want you to read.
What You Wish You Didn’t Know
• Not to sound too much like a sexist male politician, but this cat is faaaaaaaat.
• And finally, if you can see human skulls in the markings on the heads of this two-headed snake, you have seven days left to live.
See you next week, pals. Some of you anyway. Don’t look at that two-headed snake, I mean it.
Heather McLane: email@example.com, @heather_mclane