Hello there! It’s Thursday, Sept. 29, 2016, and I’m here with your helping of the Morning Scoop. (Subscribe here to get the Scoop in your inbox because I need more pen pals.)
What You Need to Know
• Two children and an adult were injured in a shooting at an elementary school in South Carolina because this is what America does now.
• The Interior Department will return to Yosemite to investigate employee claims of harassment – something that would never happen under the leadership of Leslie Knope.
• Gary Johnson seems to know as little about the world as I do. The problem, of course, is that one of us is running for president while the other is looking for a career in all-day TV watching.
• The Senate approved $1.1 billion in Zika research and prevention aid, which is nice because I currently have at least six mosquito bites on my legs.
• Because you need something to blame when you come home with baby bangs and an asymmetrical bob, barbershops and salons can now offer free alcoholic drinks to customers.
What You Want to Know
• A series of free workshops are being offered to entrepreneurs and you can register here, you little go-getter.
• California’s only free-entry fair, the Caruthers District Fair, is going on now. I’ve been. It’s nice.
• As usual, Josh Tehee has the lowdown on all the weekly music happenings in and around Fresno.
• There’s art in them thar hills.
What You Wish You Didn’t Know
• Some ignorant butthead defaced a Death Valley landmark.
• And finally, Gov. Brown has rightfully outlawed powdered alcohol in California because there is literally no reason for this garbage to exist.
Have a great Thursday, all. My horoscope today suggests I seek therapy. Hopefully yours is a bit sunnier.
Heather McLane: firstname.lastname@example.org, @heather_mclane