Good morning, all. It’s Monday, Sept. 26, 2016, and I’m here with your helping of the Morning Scoop. (Subscribe here to get the Scoop in your inbox because I need a reason to wake up this early.)
What You Need to Know
• On Saturday, a charter bus returning from Yosemite hit a tree, killing one passenger and injuring 11.
• Arnold Palmer, golfer and creator of the iced tea and lemonade combo, died Sunday.
• A crowd of street racers in Fresno attacked a CHP vehicle, which I don’t remember from the the “Fast and Furious” movies though, to be fair, I only really slept through two of them.
• You know that thing where you stand in a parking spot to save it? Turns out, it’s super easy for other motorists to simply knock you out of the way with their two-ton vehicles.
• I hope this article is kidding about close numbers.
• Another day, another mass shooting in America, another mention of gun violence in this newsletter.
What You Want to Know
• Residents of an Alaskan town tired of dealing with fleas and poop (or ‘heroes,’ as I will choose to call them henceforth) are considering a leash law for cats.
• Did Garth Brooks deliver the best-ever show in Fresno over the weekend? Who can say, except maybe for Garth, and he says yes.
• Looking to buy some books and bras? Of course you are.
• If you haven’t gotten a flu shot yet, it’s not too late. There’s still time, do you hear? SAVE YOURSELF.
What You Wish You Didn’t Know
• This is what a 7 ½-foot flower that smells like decaying flesh and pee looks like.
• “Hello, sir. Oh, nothing. It’s just that a python has been wrapped around your armrest for the last hour.”
• And finally: a solution to all your dog poop problems.
Have a great Monday, everyone. Sorry for all the poop stories. I don’t make the news, you know.
Heather McLane: email@example.com, @heather_mclane