D ear Amy: I recently discovered, by accident, something very personal and private about my boss. While I understand this discovery reveals a personal lifestyle choice for him, I am grossed out and disgusted by his choices.
I am also very angry with my boss for putting me in a position of stumbling across this information. It was available on a company computer that he was fully aware I had access to.
The other side to this is that I have always respected and admired him and I realize that he is, in fact, not a different person — just my perception of him has changed.
I guess I am looking for advice on how to handle my thoughts and actions toward him, now that I know what I know.
— Wish I Didn’t Know
Dear Wish: I gather your boss was not online shopping the J.Crew spring line on the company computer, but in the absence of other details one can only imagine what you stumbled across.
I’m going to assume that he is viewing something or engaging in an online activity that is highly inappropriate but not illegal (obviously, if so, you should contact the police). If he is viewing pornography on a company computer, he probably is violating company policy. Same with gambling, hooking up through Tinder or many other activities.
Where I work, employees are periodically reminded that all computer use is subject to monitoring.
You should email your boss, “I noticed you didn’t log out of your account yesterday.” You needn’t supply details. If this happens again, you should take this problem to your company’s HR department.
In terms of your behavior toward him, you should continue to be professional. This is a tough lesson in the “feet of clay” category. You can admire him as a boss, but you may have to shelve your estimation of him as a person.
Dear Amy: “Mourning Mom” had a baby and a husband who insisted he didn’t want another. Our son-in-law had a crazy notion like this too. Our very wise daughter waited a bit and one day said, “I think Jack (our grandson) needs a sibling.”
It opened up a new line of thinking, and we now have three grandchildren.
— Happy Gran
Dear Gran: I hope he’s happy too.