D ear Amy: I have a friend whose daughter and mine were classmates in intermediate and middle school. Although our daughters moved on to different high schools, we remained close friends. Our daughters graduated the same year but three weeks apart.
She sent my daughter a graduation gift, a check for $100. I reciprocated with a check of the same amount to her daughter when she graduated.
Weeks later, we went out to lunch with two other friends. After lunch, she tried to return the check I gave to her daughter. I politely said, “No,” adding that it was for her daughter -- just an even exchange of gifts.
A month later, I noticed she still had not deposited my check.
I sent her an email reminding her to do so and that I hoped she had not lost the check. I did not get a response. It’s been almost seven months but she has not deposited the check.
Our other friends told me to let it go.
I am really confused about this. There was no argument -- in fact, I gave her birthday and Christmas gifts months later, which she accepted and thanked me for. What should I do?
I suggest you try one more time by saying to her (in person): “I realize a lot of time has gone by, but I am still confused about why you wouldn’t pass along my graduation gift to your daughter. What’s that about?” She will either explain this in a way that makes some sense to you, or she won’t.
After that, it’s time to stop payment on this check and then -- yes -- let it go.
As a registered nurse I work with patients who have lung disease. Adults with lung disease comment regretfully upon the negative effects of cigarette smoke on their own health. Second-hand cigarette smoke can have an even greater impact upon a child’s still-developing lungs, and it increases their risk of developing respiratory diseases.
I had to say something, feeling strongly that I was witnessing a form of child abuse. I spoke very simply about children exposed to cigarette smoke. The dad appeared a bit startled and said he would “take that into consideration.” He seemed reasonable enough. I’m not sure where to go from here if I witness this again. What is your opinion?
I would like to say it again in this venue: Parents, when you smoke around your children, your children are also smoking.
I think the real problem is that this friend didn’t show him the courtesy of asking first. Charging up costs pennies, but it’s important to be courteous.