Dear Amy: What is a friend’s responsibility to someone who is entering a marriage that many view as “doomed to fail”?
My friend and his wife recently got married within a year of meeting each other. This is not a case of an abusive or even mismatched relationship.
Both are in their late 20s, neither has kids or was previously married, and they are both wonderful people. However, she is from another country and made a huge life decision to live in the United States after the marriage.
The short duration of the engagement coupled with immigration stresses would be a test for anyone. Also, this friend has a history of impulsiveness in previous relationships.
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It has been a year since the wedding, they are now expecting a child and we are told she would like to move back to her home country with the baby. He will follow, but this is not the outcome anyone anticipated.
Before the marriage there was much discussion within our circle of friends.It was my contention not to butt into matters of the heart.Most of my friends disagreed. I was even told by an acquaintance that he wished his friends had talked him out of marrying his first wife.Did we have a responsibility to speak up before this doomed marriage took place?
— Worried friend
Dear Worried: You haven’t presented the requisite evidence — or even a shred of evidence — that this marriage is doomed to fail.
Let’s review: Wonderful friend falls in love with a wonderful person. Friend and wonderful person get married and will have a baby.
Friend and wife face challenges but seem determined to do so together.
While this is hardly the definition of “doomed,” it’s possible that this marriage won’t make it.
We are all responsible for our own individual choices, and friends shouldn’t weigh in unless there is an obvious reason to. Otherwise, your job as a friend is to wish your friend well, hope for the best and be there for him if things don’t work out.
Dear Amy: I am going to be a high school senior within a week, but I am not excited.With the return to school after a relaxing summer comes the inevitable question, “What did you do over the summer?”
I do not feel that I accomplished a lot over the summer because I took college courses, focused on my studies and visited my relatives while other classmates did prestigious internships at major corporations.
I get really depressed when I am eclipsed by the prestigious things other people do.Please help me avoid the disappointed “Oh” that follows my response, Amy.
— Sad senior
Dear Sad: For the rest of your life, you will know people who are more accomplished than you are — or at least talk that way. Someday, you will find yourself at a cocktail party listening to someone your age gas on about his years as a professional athlete or his vacation house in the south of France.
If you get depressed or feel easily eclipsed by other people, then you are missing a grand opportunity to listen, learn and enjoy the experiences of others. If you don’t get a handle on this now, you will be burned by the intensity of the college search.
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