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Check out a video birthday card to K-Fed, and leave your own b-day wishes on
Mike's blog.Guess who's turning the big 3-0 today?
No, not me. Not yet. Although, if you want to send "just because" presents, feel free.
Today marks the 30th anniversary of the birth the Greatest Fresnan of All Time (somebody trademark that), one Kevin Earl Federline.
Yes, 30 years ago, K-Fed danced his way out of the womb and into the hands of some lucky doctor or nurse who probably yelled "Popozao!"
Some faithful readers might recall that I've used Mr. Federline as a punchline in this very column. This is true. And I'm sorry. I take it all back. He wins.
On this day, as we look back at what Kevin has been able to achieve in his 30 years, it's time we all say we're sorry and acknowledge the greatness that is K-Fed.
(Note: This does not -- and will never -- include his rap album. There's no excuse.)
Just think about it: K-Fed is living the Fres-merican Dream -- the dream that states that everybody who grows up in Fresno wants to live bigger and better somewhere else, leaving behind a past of mediocrity and trips to Fashion Fair.
It's a lot like the "brain drain" idea, but for obvious reasons we're using different terminology.
How's this? K-Fed hit the jackpot, yo.
Not only has his name been reduced to an instantly recognizable four letters and a hyphen -- a sure sign of fame -- he has followed his dreams down whatever unworthwhile path he desires (the rap album) simply because he has the means.
It's not all that different from the city spending $60,000 for another plan to fix up downtown -- at least K-Fed got a CD out of it. How can Fresno not be proud of that?
The guy went from delivering pizzas to being a backup dancer for such pop stars as Justin Timberlake to knocking up and marrying Timberlake's ex, Britney Spears.
We all know the story from there: They have two kids. They split up. Brit goes crazy. Kev gets the kids. Brit goes crazier. Kev looks like a champ.
Just this week, a court ordered Britney to pay $375,000 of K-Fed's legal fees in their ongoing and very tumultuous custody case.
How's that for a birthday present?
So while Britney is running around trying to avoid straitjackets, K-Fed is reportedly leaving $2,000 tips for $365 dinner tabs, watching the kids, growing a belly and playing golf.
There's no other word for it: The man is a pimp.
Here's the son of an auto mechanic and bank teller who turned out to be one of the biggest stars in the world, and now he's living nicely off Britney's money.
So tonight, as he celebrates his b-day at super-trendy Vegas club Pure, K-Fed deserves one heck of a toast.
If I were giving it, it'd go like this: "You won, Kevin. And when you won, that means Fresno won, too. You are the Fres-merican Dream. Everybody raise your Pabst."
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