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'Transformers' sequel is one long, confusing mess

Published online on Tuesday, Jun. 23, 2009

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Numerous robotic transformations occur during the 2 hours and 20 minutes of "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." But the biggest transformation never happens: The disjointed summer offering never turns into a good movie.

Michael Bay got by with using eye-jerking action and two-dimensional characters to make the first "Transformers" mindless fun. This time, he's traded in the fun for rehashed scenes and a muddled plot.

It is two years after the first movie's battle between the Autobots and Decepticons. A secret military group tracks down any nasty cars, trucks or vans that might want to do some mechanical shifting into an evil robot.

Life is so quiet that Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) heads to the East Coast to go to college. His life is transformed because of a long-distance relationship with fellow bot battler Mikaela (Megan Fox).

Bay wastes little time getting to the confusing part of the script: It seems there was a robot war thousands of years ago that ended with a key being hidden. This key has something to do with Egypt, the pyramids and a machine that steals all of the energy from the sun. Trying to figure out what's going on is like putting together a puzzle that is face down.

The story plays out with Grand Canyon-size leaps of logic. Alex Kushman and Roberto Orci, who so masterfully weaved the script for "Star Trek," appear to have thrown a bunch of ideas into a hat and pasted together whatever fell to the floor.

There disjointed writing is not the only problem. Scenes don't fit. LaBeouf hurt his hand in a truck accident during the filming. In one scene, he's healthy. In the next, he's stranded in the desert with bandages that look like they're from NASA.

There's a scene in which the actors walk out of the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum -- which is located in the heart of Washington, D.C. -- into a desert full of airplanes. And it wasn't necessary to be there.

Bay's direction is lazy. He recycles scenes from most of his past movies, including the first "Transformers." The soldiers played by Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson are back in the desert to fight the robots. Couldn't they have fought them in the snow, on an island or in a marsh? Anything would have looked different.

The way Bay -- the Edward Scissorhands of moviemaking -- gets around all of the problems is to edit the film at blinding speed. The only time the camera lingers more than three seconds on a scene is for the closing credits. Quick edits can create a feeling of tension and excitement. These edits are so fast that all they do is create a feeling of nausea.

Generally, when an action-heavy summer film is shown on the huge IMAX screen, it is a treat. This is the exception. All the big screen does is magnify the almost infinite number of problems.

Change your mind if you are thinking about seeing "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen."