Did I mention it's hot?

Published online on Saturday, May. 16, 2009

Enter the Warzone, weary, stale, flat and unprofitable.

*Ten days after Manny Ramirez tested positive for a female fertility drug, we're still unsure if the slugger was suspended 50 games or placed on maternity leave.

*ManRam (an odd nickname in retrospect) came out of hiding Friday and apologized to his Los Angeles Dodgers teammates in a Miami hotel conference room.

Why South Florida? To be near the Fountain of Youth, of course.

*Don't look now, but the San Francisco Giants recently promoted left-hander Madison Bumgarner and righty Tim Alderson -- two of baseball's top pitching prospects -- to Double-A Connecticut.

That means we could see Bumgarner and Alderson in Fresno Grizzlies uniforms as soon as August. Especially if the suddenly surging Grizzlies are in the playoff hunt.

*No one should be the least bit surprised that two NBA second-round playoffs series will be decided in Game 7.

David Stern wouldn't have it any other way.

*Can't we just fast-forward to Kobe vs. LeBron and be done with it?

*Protesting two months of nonpayment, Lance Armstrong and his Astana teammates are riding the Giro d'Italia wearing jerseys with their sponsors' names faded.

If only those pesky drug allegations faded as easily.

*Now even NASCAR drivers like Jeremy Mayfield are suspended for flunking drug tests.

So long as the concoction in question wasn't prune juice and gin, we're fine.

*With temperatures soaring into the triple digits, there's no better time to experience whitewater rafting, nature's own roller coaster.

Fresno-owned Kings River Expeditions offers select one-day trips from $99. Peak flows could arrive as soon as next week.

*Glad to hear the Fresno State basketball team is at least performing off the court.

*Chad Ocho Cinco (formerly Chad Johnson) will have "OCHOCINCO" on his jersey next season because that's how the Cincinnati Bengals receiver wrote it when he legally changed his name.

In a related story, knucklehead is also one word.

*Nothing against Ben Holscher, the Clovis High teacher/cage fighter, but there's something ironic about a health teacher whose hobby is punching guys in the face.

*When 6-foot-10 Randy Johnson faced 6-foot-9 Daniel Cabrera on Monday, history buffs called it the tallest starting pitching matchup in major-league history.

How come we never hear these kinds of weighty statistics when Livan Hernandez faces Bartolo Colon?

*Responding to the 61-pound striper caught by Chong Vang of Fresno this month at Millerton Lake, a friend sent this e-mail:

"Ha! That's nothing. Last stripper I caught was at least 95 pounds. Took forever to get her off the hook, though."