Pat Hill just might be in need of a miracle

Published online on Saturday, Jan. 17, 2009

Enter the Warzone, where sacred cows run scared.

Fresno State athletic director Thomas Boeh sure had plenty to say about Pat Hill's contract situation.

Unfortunately, Boeh is one of those people with the ability to rattle off mountains of words and still not say anything definitive. (More often than not, they become college administrators.)

Hacking through the mumbo-jumbo: Unless the Bulldogs surprise this fall, Hill is toast.

If the Bulldogs manage eight wins with two new coordinators, a first-year quarterback and a schedule that once again contains seven road games -- thanks for that, Thomas -- it'll be the best coaching job of Hill's tenure.

A more likely scenario: Fresno State issues a flowery news release in early November announcing that the university and Hill have decided "by mutual agreement" that he will step down at season's end.

To those pursuing legal action against the Fresno Falcons for their stack of unpaid bills:

Would you take a personal check from Freddie Falcon?

Speaking of mascots, did you know TimeOut (Fresno State), Sunny Sunbird (Fresno Pacific) and Parker (Fresno Grizzlies) have their own Facebook pages?

Sam the Ram just demanded new contract terms from Fresno City.

Action: Hanford High demolishes Golden West 108-17 in girls basketball.

Reaction: The Bullpups were only emulating Stanford's women, who beheaded Washington 112-35.

Deion Sanders is almost as entertaining on the NFL Network as he was running back kicks and interceptions. Almost.

Now that Charles Barkley is off the tube for a spell following his recent DUI arrest, Deion inherits the title of Favorite Ex-Jock on a TV Studio Show.

Rest assured it's a pretty short list.

For no particular reason: Irv Cross.

The NCAA recently decreed that seventh-graders can be considered men's basketball prospects.

Can't we at least let them grow armpit hair first?

While Bay Area columnists are imploring the San Francisco Giants to "Manny up" and sign free-agent outfielder Manny Ramirez, we counter with "no Manny is an island unto himself."

Except this Manny. He's not just an island, he's the whole freakin' continent.

Can't wait for Rickey Henderson's Hall of Fame induction speech. Many athletes refer to themselves in the third person, but Rickey took it to an art form.

Such as this gem he left on San Diego Padres general manager Kevin Towers' voicemail: "This is Rickey calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball."

Gotta love those PETA wackos, who decided fish were in need of an image makeover because the name isn't cute or cuddly enough. From now on, fish are to be called "sea kittens." Awwwww.

No, we don't make this stuff up.