Enter the Warzone, channelling the inner smart aleck in all of us.
Amid Alabama's Sugar Bowl preparations, first-year offensive coordinator Jim McElwain (formerly of Fresno State) used the words "boring" and "lackluster" to describe the Tide's attack.
McElwain was kidding when he said it. But you gotta wonder where he picked up that kind of vocabulary.
After watching pedestrian-looking Alabama get creamed by Utah and its imaginative spread offense, maybe McElwain wasn't kidding after all.
Its 1-4 record in bowl games (all hail Louisiana Tech for beating back mighty Northern Illinois) doesn't say much for the Western Athletic Conference's overall strength.
Making Fresno State's September road wins over Rutgers, UCLA and Toledo even more head-scratching.
Last month, Fresno State sent a letter to football boosters telling them they'll need to dig deeper into their wallets for premium parking passes because 300 spaces will be taken up by a new stadium for women's soccer and lacrosse.
Bet that went over well at Christmas dinner.
Former Bulldogs defensive lineman and assistant coach Jethro Franklin recently lost his job with the Houston Texans. Wonder if there are any openings at his alma mater worth pursuing?
Now that the Stockton Thunder grabbed ex-Fresno Falcons coach and general manager Matt Thomas, trusty assistant Ryan Mougenel and one-third of the roster, perhaps some form of compensation is in order.
I know: Stockton should play half its games in Merced.
Thunder president Dan Chapman told our man Ken Robison last week that he responded to the challenging economy by beefing up the sales staff. Meanwhile, the Falcons were slashing theirs.
And you wonder why one team is drawing nearly 7,000 fans per game -- tops in the ECHL -- and the other folded because of crummy attendance.
Is it just me, or are the Falcons a more compelling story now than when they actually existed?
For no particular reason: Dreike Bouldin.
Brace yourself for another offseason full of Brett Favre "will he or won't he retire?" reports. Only one thing's for certain: Favre will be waffling in Wranglers.
After jettisoning Mike Martz, the San Francisco 49ers are searching for their seventh offensive coordinator in seven seasons. Even Del Taco doesn't have that kind of turnover.
Various reports indicate the San Francisco Giants are pursuing free agent Manny Ramirez. The Giants must be going through prima donna left fielder withdrawal.
Does "off piste" skiing mean you have to be "piste off" in order to do it?
Great Moments in Sports Journalism, Part 3:
Nosy reporter to Bulldogs swingman Terrance Roberson (March 2000): Did you ever eat for free at Tomodachi?
Roberson: Yeah, lots.
Us: Did you ever eat for free anyplace else?
Roberson: Nope. Tomodachi was the only spot I ever ate free at. I eat at Tahoe Joe's now.
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