Buying into NFL would hush Rush

Published online on Monday, Oct. 12, 2009

Here's a warning for 21 million Dittoheads: You don't want Rush Limbaugh getting a piece of the St. Louis Rams.

If America's most famous radio talk-show host gets his wish and becomes a National Football League owner, it will be the end of Limbaugh as you know him.

The NFL is a conservative outfit, which would appear to make it a perfect fit for El Rushbo, who probably would want the Rams to run and pass the ball exclusively to the right. But the league is so conservative that it doesn't tolerate controversial owners.

Now that he has more money than he could ever spend, Limbaugh wants to indulge his well-known love of football by buying into the Rams, who happen to be for sale.

Some NFL players, along with the head of the players union, have said they don't want Limbaugh in the league because of his comments on racial issues.

Limbaugh supporters say that the great pontificator shouldn't be penalized for speaking his mind; as long as his group submits the highest bid, he ought to get the Rams.

The political question is, would Limbaugh continue his uncensored takes on matters large and small after joining the NFL's cartel of owners?

No way.

The day he joins the club, Limbaugh imposes a seven-second delay on his brain and his mouth. Oh, he'd claim to be the same old Rush. But there's no way that he could be the same old Rush and hold on to the Rams.

I say this because Limbaugh yearns for mainstream acceptance -- something that has been just beyond his reach.

He tried a television show, and it didn't work out. He got his dream job doing commentary for ESPN on Sunday Night Football and was forced to resign the gig before the ink dried on his contract. The cause of Limbaugh's downfall was his opinion that Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb was overrated because "the media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well."

Limbaugh is shrewd. Should he get the Rams, he won't make that mistake again. Nor will he repeat this description of the National Basketball Association: "Call it the TBA, the Thug Basketball Association. ... They're going in to watch the Crips and the Bloods."

Nor will he again say of then- Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor and the women's association to which she belonged, "I think I'm going to send Sotomayor and her club a bunch of vacuum cleaners to help them clean up after their meetings."

With Limbaugh gone mainstream, who would his listeners turn to for comfort and support? Where would they go for rants on the stimulus, universal health care and President Barack Obama?

Beck? O'Reilly? Savage?

Sorry, but there's only one Limbaugh.

Fear not, Dittoheads. This isn't a free-speech issue. It's about access to a chamber more exclusive than Augusta National Golf Club. Global warming will thaw Green Bay's frozen tundra before the NFL lets Limbaugh into its ranks.

Don't cry for him, though. The ownership bid is generating tons of publicity, and his likely rejection will provide fodder for sound bites about the injustices inflicted on the right by NFL elites.