Krikor "Kirk" Vartanian's apparent mission for nearly two decades has been to become Fresno's biggest player, a man so powerful and popular that he's recognized, welcomed -- or feared -- wherever he goes.

Ten years ago, while working on my third chin and the likelihood of major health problems, I tried a low-carb diet.

Hollywood has its stars. New York has its financiers. And Fresno has its dreaming, scheming flakes.

It was a warm October night, and the hall on 13th Street in Firebaugh was packed with people. They had come to voice frustration about the "man-made drought," fallowed land and lost jobs.

One of these days, a water-starved farmer will walk into federal court and demand that O'Shaughnessy Dam come down, finally restoring glacial Hetch Hetchy Valley to its natural grandeur and releasing a natural flow into the Tuolumne River.

To simplify your life in complicated times, here's this year's installment of the Completely Unofficial But Absolutely Essential Rules to Valley Living.

God help these children.

I went to see President Barack Obama, thinking that he might answer questions about the recession, water and Iran. I had company.

A lot of people, including me, have said they can do better by the state budget than our elected leaders.

Bryan Jones rides a bike -- and has a scar on his forehead to prove it.

I didn't think it was possible, but the politicians have united the citizens of America's most diverse state.

After months of following the latest and, hopefully, the last Genesis Family Center scandal, I need to be cleansed of nonprofit CEOs driving BMWs, hiring boyfriends and operating out of high-end offices -- when not in jail.

Some people are seeing red. They're mad because Fresno State football coach Pat Hill wants to paint the Valley rojo and the university is marketing the Bulldogs' first game as "Fiesta Night."

If I lived in the 18th District, I'd be looking to replace my congressman, Dennis "Horse Track" Cardoza, in 2010.