I search for Third Places. Coffee shops for farmers. Community centers, small town cafes. Barber shops, beauty salons. Pubs, gardens, neighborhood restaurants. Post offices, libraries, farmers markets, the place on the corner.
These are places where people gather, talk face-to-face, trade information, debate and engage. They're called Third Places, a term coined by Ray Oldenburg in his book, "The Great Good Place." For most of us, we think of our home as the first place and the work setting as our second place. Third Places are those informal meeting sites where we are welcomed, food and drink often available, accessible to the public, comfortable and relaxing; places that bring people together in civic engagement, creative interaction.Fictional examples include the "Cheers" bar, the restaurant on "Seinfeld," the coffee shop of "Friends," the bar in "How I Met Your Mother."Third Places encourage social contact between patrons, a real-life alternative to TV, a partial escape from home and work. These sites are not necessarily Internet friendly. Surfing the Web often blocks social interaction when users become absorbed by remote connections instead of the person next to them.Newer technology, cell phones, texting, Bluetooth, BlackBerries, all isolate the individual. Third Places occupy real space. They're reliable and consistent, the place where "everyone knows your name." Ideas and opinions are abundant, topics widespread from politics to art, sports to books, movies to music.As other social institutions decline in popularity, such as the bowling alley or the corner store, coupled with the loss of real main streets with neighbors out of their cars and walking, Third Places create an important gathering place for democracy, as witnessed in the recent election. Obama versus McCain, Palin versus the world, the importance of Iowa and New Hampshire, the red versus the blue counties, all contributed to a healthy debate.Third Places offer a public lens by which residents can participate in community interaction, rather than through the filter of a blogger or media. Habits of public association are formed, community building at the grass-roots level. The health of a community can be judged by the number of Third Places.The best Third Places are inclusive, not exclusive. They promote social equality, the status of the participants leveled, titles checked at the door. Informal in nature, these places do not restrict by membership, they are open to all -- creating a unique mix required for stimulating conversations.Spontaneous town halls are conducted daily. Participants tend to have an opinion on everything because this is not about being judged. In a welcoming environment, people share a common history that can outweigh biases; they tolerate difference.(This is true most of the time -- there are still some topics that create an uneasy silence, awkward indifference or even hostility. However, with time, people usually "come around" -- after all, who would have thought we'd elect an African-American president and Fresno County would be "blue"?)The character of Third Places includes regular clientele and a playful atmosphere in contrast to the seriousness of work and home. Often in unpretentious buildings, these places avoid anything that distracts from conversations and camaraderie. No fences separating neighbors. Participants getting out of their cars.Unlike the modern shopping mall, at Third Places there is the anticipation of interaction as eyes search for contact with familiar faces. People stop and actually talk without the push of a crowd and the expectation of a monetary transaction. When you shop, you finish your purchase and leave. At Third Places, saying good-bye carries the anticipation of seeing that person tomorrow.Creative interaction remains at the heart of these gathering places: a diverse collection of people and their attitudes. As we continue to head into a culture of affirmation where we listen only to media we agree with and we visit only the Internet sites we want to associate with, the broad associations at Third Places help us realize our need for community and shared identities. We are not the same nor do we want to be.As our homes become private entertainment centers, we increasingly live in isolation. Technological gadgetry like the iPod adds to our lonely environments. The art of hanging out may be soon lost in a consumer-driven market.During the current recession, many Third Places face economic hard times. Restaurants can't always compete, the business model is to turn tables, not to allow patrons to simply sit and talk. Coffee shops need volume sales -- they add drive-throughs to stay afloat. Public places like libraries face tighter budgets, cutting back on hours, making them less available. Public policy sometimes discourages Third Places by not permitting small businesses in residential areas. Sterile housing developments are often void of gathering places (other than the grassy areas that only look nice as you drive by but are not inviting places to sit and talk). We need to recognize the value of informal life. We should zone for and permit neighborly hospitality. Have a little fun.Of course, I run into the danger of sounding nostalgic. Third Places are not a panacea for our economy, they won't prevent crime and social unrest, they don't make politicians better. They won't restore a main street culture in our cities.Too often our infrastructure such as sprawling suburban developments and freeways, coupled with the growth of media empires, all work against Third Places and cannot be undone. The new 24/7 demands of the workplace and the new role of technology that keeps us connected also means our jobs are never far away; we are always at work. To wish these things away sounds like whining.But in our current economic recession, Third Places are even more important. They become gathering places to weather this storm, a meeting with others who can help our own depression. Communities need to pull together even more. We can't wait for a bailout from Washington, D.C., or Sacramento. Our community conversations can empower citizens to create their own common-sense solutions.Life without community rings empty and hollow, otherwise we simply shuttle from home to work and work to home. The popularity of social networking sites on-line demonstrates the cry for social connections. The magic of face-to-face exchanges, the sounds of human voices, the physical exchange of a wave or handshake and hug -- all create something else: a healthy and real, not virtual community.Our Valley's Third Places need not be secrets. I'd love to hear from readers, sharing their special gathering places where everyone knows your name. I dream of a Valley connected by Third Places.