Giving thanks

Published online on Sunday, Sep. 30, 2007

How do you thank an educator? What do you say to teachers, principals and education specialists who made a difference in your life? How can you acknowledge the commitment of school staff and administrators who gave something priceless to your children?

Last summer, I asked myself those questions during my high school reunion. Thirty-five years had passed since my graduation from Sanger High School. At the gathering, we talked about teachers and school staff we had forgotten, only to be remembered at the reunion. I then thought about the great teachers who never left me.

I never thanked them. Now, decades later, most have moved on, passed away or no longer live in the area. We had lost touch. I regret I never found a way to acknowledge them.

As a new school year begins and especially for families with high school seniors, how do you thank those who went beyond their jobs and changed their students' lives? This year may be your one opportunity to do so, a moment to pause and reflect, to acknowledge the past, recognize those who influenced students as they begin their journeys into adulthood.

These individuals continually put students ahead of themselves. I don't believe a union contract, bureaucratic paperwork or high-stakes testing would ever stand between these educators and their calling: to educate.

So how do you give thanks? I don't think it's simple. It's beyond the ordinary "thanks." You give thanks by your actions.

Actions speak loudly. They create stories people carry with them for a lifetime. Giving thanks means to give something, not a material object but something of ourselves. We can give memory.

Here's one idea: Host an event at the end of the year. It can be complex or simple, but it begins with planning and hard thinking. In our case, we hosted a dinner as our child finished high school.

First, the students need to choose which educators made a difference in their lives. Not an easy task when you narrow it to only the very special. In addition, it will be difficult to recognize and acknowledge those whose impact will not be seen until years from now.

You will disappoint some because not all teachers or coaches belong on this list. Remember, you're looking for individuals who changed a student forever, not those who were nice or gave easy grades.

As our daughter, Nikiko, was starting her senior year, we asked her to make a list of the five teachers and educators who affected her most positively. Her list grew to 15.

She struggled distinguishing those classes she enjoyed versus loved, those who were good but not great, the individuals that supported her and others that challenged her to excel. She was forced to recognize classrooms filled with fun memories versus educators who demanded students achieve and sought to instill critical thinking and work for long-term rewards.

(She may have overlooked some individuals whose impact she will only recognize later. But she did the best she could.)

By the spring, we organized a homemade gourmet dinner for these select individuals. This was not simply a drop-in graduation party but an evening-long event. The family would serve our daughter and her guests.

We poured beverages, cleared tables, announced and served the five courses. At one point, family members became invisible, a teacher signaling us when they needed something. Imagine a parent waiting on a teacher -- pouring a drink, taking a plate, offering more. But we were no longer the parents; they had become more than educators. As one participant said, "She felt like royalty for one night." And they deserved the recognition.