Leapin' lizards!

Valley couple's two-headed oddity of nature truly is one in a million -- believe it or not.

Published online on Wednesday, Jul. 02, 2008

In a small, shingled 100-year-old farmhouse near Fowler, there lives a two-headed, bearded dragon lizard.

This month Zak-n-Wheezie celebrated their first birthday, making them possibly the longest-living two-headed, bearded dragon lizard on record, and landing owners Barbara and Frank Witte in a "Ripley's Believe it or Not!" cartoon.

"That was amazing to me," Frank Witte says. "My grandpa's dream came true. He wanted one of his grandsons to get his name in print. And there it was."

When Zak-n-Wheezie were younger, the Wittes laid low to make sure no one searching for an oddity would find their one-in-a-million (well, actually, statistically speaking, two-in-a-million) pet.

"There were numerous circus sideshow people looking for me," Barbara Witte says. "But I'm not looking to get them in the sideshow world."

Frank's brother did some research and told the Wittes not to sell Zak-n-Wheezie for anything less than a million dollars -- that there were people out there who would pay that much to eat the Wittes' pet.

"There are people who will pay large amounts to eat a two-headed critter. They think it will give them eternal life," says Frank Witte, shaking his head.

Barbara Witte, 47, says they wouldn't sell their pet (pets?) for a million dollars.

"They would die because Mommy wasn't there. And I'd be broke in a minute. We'd spend the money so fast. Go to Vegas or something. I just couldn't sell them. It's too awesome to have something that no one else has."

Frank, 45, agrees that they don't need a million dollars. He likes their life just the way it is.

"I'm a refrigeration man, so I make pretty good money. I'm a very humble person. I just want my family, my work and a good, cold beer when I get home."

There's an air conditioner in the window and fans throughout the house to keep the home cool, despite the bright, heated bulbs in the lizard aquariums. The Wittes have five or six bearded dragon lizards, depending on whether you count Zak-n-Wheezie as one or two. They also have eight children and grandchildren between them, two cats, a Chihuahua and a huge barn owl that lives in the tree closest to their house.

Junior, a one-headed, bearded dragon lizard, is in the window drying off after a bath in the kitchen sink. Barbara has Zak-n-Wheezie (named after a character in the "Dragon Tales" cartoon) on her shoulder.

The couple say that dragon lizards are cuddly and affectionate ("like puppies") and that each has a distinct personality -- including the separate heads of Zak-n-Wheezie.

"Zak -- he's the right head -- is a little more rambunctious. Wheezie is more easy-going. More happy-go-lucky," says Barbara.

When the two-headed dragon was three weeks old, Barbara says, Wheezie started looking depressed and didn't want to eat.

"I thought about how we always called them Zak-n-Wheezie. Zak always came first. So the whole family started calling them Wheezie and Zak, and I'll be darned if it didn't work. He snapped out of it."

Now they refer to each head by its own name: Wheezie when they're addressing Wheezie, Zak when they're addressing Zak.

"They are two lizards with one body, not one lizard with two heads," says Frank.

Four months ago they bought their first computer so they could better research bearded dragon lizards and correspond with other dragon-lizard lovers. Online, they have shared photos of their grandson Freddy's kindergarten class oohing and ahhing over Zak-n-Wheezie, and X-rays of the dragon lizard's shared organs.