Money strains a friendship

Posted at 12:00 AM on Sunday, Nov. 15, 2009

Dear Amy: Earlier this year I met a friend, "Janet," for lunch.

I suggested that we split a sandwich. She mentioned she only had a debit card with her. She said she would pay for lunch with her card and asked me to pay her back in cash.

When it came time to leave, she asked me for $4 to cover my portion of lunch. I had a $5 bill and asked her for $1 back. She reminded me that she only had her debit card. I told her that my only other option was $3 and some change.

She told me to just give her the $3 and change because she was running late.

Three months later, she owed me some money from another transaction.

We were unable to meet in person, so I asked her to mail me a check. When I received the check, I found a note from Janet saying that she took 40 cents out of the amount she owed to "cover the cost of the stamp."

I sensed something odd about this, so I asked her about it over the phone. She said she shorted me 40 cents because I short-changed her a few months back!

She told me that I am "tight" with my money and that a friend would have just given her the $5.

I was in shock when I heard this because during all this time she hadn't shown any signs of having an issue with me! She must have had a bigger problem with me prior to this incident to create such drama over a trivial amount of money! How should I proceed?

-- Mixed-up

Dear Mixed: Your friend seems determined to point out that you are petty, and yet her technique has backfired, making this issue (an important one) seem very silly. You may in fact be tight with your money. Are you prepared to look at this and cede her point? Your friend's reaction to you was impolite. Will she admit this? You two might be able to get a fresh start by expressing your mutual frustration openly and agreeing to behave differently. Now "make change"!