Don't be bullied into arguing politics

Posted at 12:00 AM on Tuesday, Nov. 10, 2009

Dear Amy: I have been enjoying a group of friends for the past 10 years.

During the past year I have had a real problem over their pontificating about their political point of view. I am the only person in the group with a different political view.

The past four times I've seen them, I've come home feeling very upset about their bashing of the new president.

I did not act like that when the previous administration was in office. What would you suggest that I do?

-- Linda

Dear Linda: I recently heard Glenn Beck refer to the president as a socialist and call filmmaker Michael Moore a "fatty-fatty fatso."

Is this the sort of civilized intellectual discourse our foremothers and -- fathers -- had in mind when building this great nation? Probably not.

But while you may have been sheltered from this sort of passion during the Bush years, I remember many heated, shocking and extremely disrespectful bashing sessions coming from the left -- both through the media and privately.

Yelling is the unfortunate reaction of people trying to mitigate their powerlessness.

We live in fascinating times, and you might benefit from understanding the passion of the other side. Don't let your friends bait or bully you, and don't feel you must defend practices or policies they find indefensible.

If you don't want to participate, you can do your best to change the subject, but if you can't and still want to spend time in their presence, listen passively or (my trick) offer to wash the dishes.

Dear Amy: I have been dating a guy for about seven months and I think that we are happy, but whenever I don't answer my phone he blows up at me.

He has anger problems and sometimes he worries me.

He punches walls when he gets mad and when we are arguing, and I am scared that one day he is going to hit me. I'm afraid.

-- Frightened girlfriend

Dear Frightened: Your boyfriend shows signs of being an abuser, and if you continue to be with him, the abuse will escalate.

If you are afraid of how he will react when you leave, prepare to stay with a friend, change your phone number and alter your habits.

You can learn more about the signs of abuse and how to leave this relationship by contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 or www.ndvh.org.