Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married a little more than five years and have two children together.
Although we love each other very much and have a great life, his family is a different matter.
We are civil to one another but don't seem to have a real, solid relationship.
I am sure I'm not exactly the type of woman they wanted their son to marry. I had been divorced. I am not Catholic, and I have an outspoken personality.
I don't know if this is why they don't like me, but the roadblocks are really hurting me.
I really love his family and they are great people, but I feel like we will never have the meaningful relationship we should have.
I have told them in person and e-mailed them about my feelings, but they have either ignored me or tried to convince me they do like me.
How can I get them to tell me what their issues are so we can have a great relationship?
-- Depressed Dil
Dear Depressed: Perhaps my perceptions have been ruined by too much professional exposure to in-law trouble, but really -- don't try to fix something that's not necessarily broken.
You seem to have decided that your relationship with this family isn't "meaningful" enough, but you don't get to control how meaningful this relationship is to them.
Perhaps one of your in-laws (or your husband) implied some sort of disapproval of you because you are divorced or have a different faith, or maybe you're laboring under flawed assumptions.
You came into this family loved dearly by at least one member. Let the others show they like you -- they're trying, and according to you, you don't believe them.
Can you imagine how frustrating this is for them?
Stop trying so hard.
Dear Amy: "Stick to Our Guns" was upset because her teenagers weren't invited to a family wedding.
I faced the same thing when I got married -- I just could not afford to include children.
I spoke with my cousins about this. I said, "When you're older, you'll understand," and they seemed OK.
I still wonder if my aunt will ever forgive me.
-- Wedded niece
Dear Niece: The flip side to this is that when you have kids, you may see this differently, but it was your wedding and your choice.
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