Cell-phone porn may be last call for wife

Published online on Thursday, Oct. 15, 2009

Dear Amy: I'm a 56-year-old woman. My husband, "Larry," is 54, and we've been married for four years.

My husband works across the street from a bar he frequents daily after work. The bartender, "Roxanne," is a single woman; I'm guessing she's in her 30s.

Roxanne has been sending homemade porn videos to my husband's cell phone. I feel this is extremely disrespectful not only to me but also to our marriage.

Am I wrong to be upset by this?

My husband thinks it's funny.

We don't have the best relationship right now because he does frequent the bar on a daily basis. I'm considering letting Roxanne know how offended I am over this.

What do you think?

-- Freaking out in Fresno

Dear Freaking Out: I find myself wishing (on your behalf) that you hung out with a better class of people. What I mean is -- homemade porn? Really? (I seem to remember a time when if you wanted to give something homemade, you would whip up a casserole.)

So yes, go ahead and ask Roxanne to delete your husband's number from her "contact" list. Don't belabor how offensive this is to you -- I have a feeling Roxanne is either not going to understand -- or care. (Your husband obviously doesn't.)

If your husband is drinking every night after work, then yes you should also let him know how this affects you.

Then you should engage in some quiet reflection and ask yourself some important questions. You have one life. Is this how you want to live it? Do you deserve better?

I bet you do.

Dear Amy: Regarding the letter from "Nicknamed" -- who had changed her ugly first name but whose family refused to use the new name -- our family went through this.

My ugly-named sister handled it this way: She changed her name legally on all documents, driver's license, etc., and changed her name at work.

She patiently corrected family members and friends for a number of months.

Then she set a date and, after that date, stopped answering to the ugly name. Period. All questions were answered with the statement, "That is not my name. My name is pretty name now, and that's what I answer to." She even converted her own mother.

-- Suzanne's sister

Dear Sister: Clarity, followed by patience and setting definitive boundaries. I like it.