Living situation with parents isn't a good one

Published online on Tuesday, Oct. 13, 2009

Dear Amy: I am in my late 20s and had to move home to my parents' house because of a lack of money.

I have a part-time job and am working on starting my own business, so I am busy.

I've always had issues with men, especially with my father, but, recently, at home I have caught my father watching porn and at times "pleasuring" himself in the living room, while my mom is in bed in the next room.

This not only makes me uncomfortable but also angry that a married man (my dad) has to do this when his wife (my mom) is in the next room.

I have never uttered a word about it to either of them. If I could move out I would, but for now I'm stuck being uncomfortable and angry.

Any advice?

-- Uncomfortable

Dear Uncomfortable: It's no wonder that you have problems with men. I agree this is creepy, especially if your father is aware you have seen him.

You should move out.

You are in your late 20s. Your living situation with your parents is untenable. You are uncomfortable and angry, so you should leave.

If leaving means you will have to put your business on hold, get a full-time job, find roommates or rent a room in someone else's home, then that's what you should do.

If you choose to stay at home, then you should confront your father. If you suspect that your mother is at risk physically or otherwise, then you should talk to her.

But I would remind you (as I'm sure your father would) that his behavior in his own home -- however yucky -- is his business.

Dear Amy: My husband and I have been going through some issues of resolving an emotional affair and rebuilding our marriage.

He has been calling me "Dear" when we end a phone conversation and when we say good night.

I was feeling very special until I overheard him say this word of endearment to a female co-worker twice in a phone conversation while I was sitting there.

I felt hurt. I thought that word was for me alone. Shouldn't words of endearment only be spoken to your loved one and not to others?

-- Hurt

Dear Hurt: I don't know where your husband works, but on the face of it, this is unprofessional.

If you and your husband are working hard to improve your communication and repair your relationship, then navigating this issue should be your next task.