Dear Amy: I found the man I want to spend my life with. We've been together for almost three years. I think we have a great life together, but I want our relationship to progress to marriage.
He goes back and forth, though he says he loves me with his whole heart.
I don't know what to do. It breaks my heart that we can't take the next step.
But wait, that's not all.
We separated at one point because of various things but could not stay away from each other because we are so much in love. In our time apart, we both dated other people.
When we got back together, we agreed all communication with whomever we dated would end. I ended my contact, but he continued to communicate with the other woman.
I found her name in his phone recently and got upset, and he turned around and said I was the bad person.
He promised me many times that this communication stopped, but I know they still call and text each other.
I have given him the ultimatum -- it's me or her -- and he says it's me. He says she's moving in with her fiancé and I have nothing to worry about.
I am living with him with a promise of marriage and a happily-ever-after but with nothing to show for it. I want a ring and marriage.
How long should I wait?
-- Brokenhearted
Dear Brokenhearted: You might be able to persuade this guy to marry you, but you won't get that all-elusive "happily-ever-after."
Your guy's indecision about marriage is his answer. It's just not the answer you are looking for.
Your ultimatum is poorly framed, and ultimatums only work if you attach a consequence. In your case, yours should be, "It's marriage or I walk."
I don't recommend this, mind you. You should consider walking away with no strings attached because you two simply want different things in life and from each other.
Dear Amy: In response to the recent suggestions about how to introduce adult live-in companions, why not simply use their name?
If you are being introduced to someone who knows you, no explanation is necessary to define the relationship. If they don't, then it's none of their business!
-- Debbie in Nebraska
Dear Debbie: I completely agree, though there are times when one is compelled to describe a relationship.
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